YouTube/blogging vs. real job

Now I already expect a ton of hate towards this post especially if I dare to call myself a 'blogger', but it's OK. I hope I'll get my point across here. First of all, I will say that I'm currently unemployed, my parents work really hard for average (or even below average paycheck) and we're living from month to month which I think is the worst.

My blog definitely isn't in that category...

With YouTube getting a swing and becoming more popular by the day, also with all the bloggers coming out and getting famous I can't stop thinking about it being a real job. I'll first comment on this part. I know from my own experience that having a blog can be a pain in the ass and it's really time consuming. I have what I call 'a hobby blog' and I know it could probably be much more popular and better, but I like it the way it is. However if you have a blog that's supposed to be your main income source you have to invest much more time and effort in it. The same goes for YouTube of course.

I'm not saying influencers (I'll call it that so I don't have to write youtubers and bloggers all the time) don't work a lot on their content and there's a reason why some people made it so far. You can see their passion and effort in their content.

They shouldn't get all those brand deals, all the fame.

However, the money they have is not proportional. If you look at it, all they do is take photos or film videos for the world to see. Again, I know there's editing, promotion and all that, but it's still just a bunch of photos and few words on the Internet. These people are paid SO much to say some T-shirt is well made or some eyeliner is pitch black, to literally put on make-up or just to film themselves eat. Don't get me wrong, of course I follow some youtubers and bloggers and I love some content, but they sure don't deserve the money they get. This sounds harsh, but let's compare.

I know the world isn't fair, but this is just ridiculous.

One blogger charges up to $1000 for a review of some site, some youtuber charges $500 for a single shout-out... One football player is paid $100,000 for a game. And then... One nurse is paid $1000 for a month of their work, one sales person is paid $800 for their monthly work. One firefighter that endangers their life is paid around $1000 for a month.

I'm not going to get into this too much, but there's no way you can justify this to me. This is not just related to influencers. This goes for, as I mentioned, sports men and women, actors, singers and all those popular people. How can someone who sings have more money then people that invent cures for diseases? Or more than construction workers without who we would actually live on the street? You see my problem here?

What's your opinion? I would really start a discussion in the comments!

My emo phase

Picture this. The year is 2007, I'm in the 7th grade of elementary school, my best friend just turned emo out of nowhere, she's becoming popular and I'm left behind. One day I decide to fit in no matter what so I turn emo too.

I never knew what emo really was.

I changed all my colorful clothes for black pieces, I stopped wearing shiny jewelry and I even added a black liner in my bottom waterline. It was safe to say I went all out at that age. I also had one other friend who was probably a rocker or punker or whatever she was, but for elementary school she was a very popular kid. Too bad I realized she was just using me, but that's another story. At that age (and still today a bit) I really wanted to fit in with the cool kids. You know, like in the shows I watched. So I transformed myself into 'emo' without really knowing what it was. I thought it was just black clothes and crazy hair with neon accessories.

Then I saw the scars and blood.

After few months of trying to be someone I'm not and everybody realizing I was just copying my friend for attention, I felt like sh*t. I didn't know how to change back so I stayed like that for the entire year, until summer breaks. Some time in that period I also got closer to my friend again and she opened up about her cutting herself. However this may sound, to be completely honest I didn't buy her story and I honestly think she did it just for the attention. I don't think she had any deeper problems and I don't think she did it for the relief or whatever it was supposed to provide her. I know how this may sound to you, but I knew this girl for 6 years then, since we started school. We were together every single day almost every day. I knew her, her family and distant relatives. I think she went through something like puberty, but not life crisis like she was portraying.

And I was young and stupid so I followed.

As she was being cool and everybody talked about her, I wanted it too. So young and really really stupid me thought it would be a good idea to follow her footsteps - all the way. Thankfully enough I wasn't stupid enough to take the blade of any kind. Instead I took a pencil. Mechanical pencil to be exact. I took the metal part on top and I scratched my skin in different shapes and letters. Even then I think I just wanted a tattoo so I did that. However, I never did it in any visible places. I scratched my leg or upper arm if I wore long sleeves. Also, it's important to mention that it never actually got bad. I have way worse scratches now from my dog or just because I'm clumsy so you don't have to be worried about my young self.

I made up reasons.

With me being stupid, I also made up reasons why I should be sad because that was obviously cool. How many times can I emphasize I was stupid and all of this is just crazy stupid. However, what I later realized, she wasn't cool. She was different and interesting and that's why everybody talked about her. If I only realized that sooner, I would be myself and I would try to make friends as being me. At that point in my life nobody knew who I was. Hell, I didn't know who I was. And even though I was about 13 and not supposed to have my life figured out, I think I should have known what I like and what I don't like, who I want to spend my time with, etc.

If you're curious who this girl is, she's Martha from Friends in the past post.

Do you have some embarrassing phase of your life? Please say you do haha

NO to grand public signs of affection

Wow, that sounds harsh, right? "NO." OK, chill... Recently I've been in some mood for romantic movies, which, for me is all the time, but I actually got some time and sat down and watched few of those. Of course, I formed so many opinions. If you want to read any reviews or opinions on movies or shows such as 50 Shades Freed or The Vampire Diaries, you can find them all under the tab "TV reviews".

Some of the movies I really like have one flaw. They have that one scene where one person shows their love for another in front of million people. I can't express enough how much I hate it. I'm a huge romance fan and I love mushy things when it comes to relationships and I honestly feel like this takes away from the romance.

I don't have anything against showing love, but there's a time and place for everything.

There's a difference between holding hands in public and telling your significant other you can't live without them at a football stadium. Ever since I can remember, those scenes made me cringe so hard (and I never use the word cringe so you know I'm serious). Maybe it's because I'm quite shy and don't want to be in a center of attention so I know I would be SO embarrassed and uncomfortable if anyone did it to me.

You can never be 100% sure they'll respond the way you want them too.

I honestly don't know how people aren't scared to do this. I know you should take risks when it comes to love I guess, but it's already scary enough to do some things privately. Adding hundreds or millions of people would throw me over the edge. Imagine you're going to propose to someone, you're at a concert and you just invited your significant other to the stage (the singer is obviously delighted by the idea of joining two people and making a better show with it). How can you be 100% sure they'll say "yes"? You can be together for 10 years and happier than ever and some sh*t can go wrong in that particular moment.

You're both on the spot...

And now you're both standing there, in front of everybody. OK, Landon is proposing to Jamie (yes, I'm a Walk To Remember fan, sue me). She'll maybe feel obligated to say "yes" and will think about it more because if she says "no", she'll be the devil here and he'll be the poor guy left in front of all these people. Even though people don't know their story, they'll make something up and in case the love isn't returned the way it is expected, someone is going to portrayed as an evil cupid.

...and now I can't enjoy the other thing cause I'm freaking engaged.

But let's say everything goes right. Landon proposes, Jamie says "yes" at the Backstreet Boys's concert. Now what? The chances are Jamie is going to cry about this and her make-up will probably be ruined or she'll just look like a mess. Happy mess, but still a mess. You're also now engaged and super emotional and excited and you're thinking about a 1000 things and you're also missing the concert.

You don't know anything about love so you're completely wrong.

I could be completely wrong. If you've been reading this blog, you should know that I never had a boyfriend so I didn't have the chance to experience any of these. However, if I ever find one, I really want him to read this so he wouldn't do this stupid mistake. Haha. I know it all changes when you're with the right person and in love, but I can't imagine ever wanting to be in the center of attention.

OK, let's see how many of us are there? Who's with me? And who loves these grand love ceremonies?

3 bullsh*ts you're frequently told!

I don't know why this pissed me off the way it did, but I heard a quote in a movie and that sparked this post you're reading right now. World today is full of motivational speakers and quotes that are supposed to make you feel much better, instantly. While I love those, there's also a level of bullsh*t in them.

Now, I'm not saying we should be pessimistic, which I often am when it comes to my life, but rather realistic. This post is not meant to crush your hopes and dreams, but I think these stuff are needed to be said. Well, they're my thoughts, so here you go...

Money isn't important. How many times have you heard this? Or maybe "it's not the most important thing"? I agree it shouldn't be on the top of your list cause money can really change a person for the worse, but let's be real for a moment. Money is in top 3, maybe top 5, for sure. At least, it should be. Why? Money can buy you everything. Happiness too. Health as well. Stability in life. Hear me out. I feel awesome when I wear new clothes that fit me well. I don't need it to be happy, but it helps. Someone is happy with new game, watch, car, whatever. And money can get it. Money can get you travels, visits to fun park with your loved ones... As far as health goes, people with a lot of money have way better chances in surviving the same disease as opposed to poor people. They're also more likely to have regular check-ups. Of course, there are things money can't buy, or it shouldn't buy, but all I'm saying is money is pretty high on the list of needs.

Live each day like it's your last. No. Just no. There's no way you could live like that. If I knew I only had one more day or a week, I definitely wouldn't save money, I wouldn't go to college/work, I wouldn't worry about my dentist appointment, etc. Normal people can't spend their days traveling, eating out and laying on the beach 24/7. People have responsibilities that can't be put on hold, especially people with kids or family of any kind where there's not just one person depending on themselves. People that say this have to live in some kind of a fairytale. You can argue this was meant in a way so people would take risks and opportunities they get, but most still need to reconsider and realize their priorities and stability in life.

A year ago, you wouldn't even dream of being where you are. OK, this is totally individual, but I know it's bullsh*t for me. I knew exactly where I would be now because my life is ordinary. It's school - college - work. All of my friends are the same, I'm struggling with all the same stuff as I have last year and I still have worries about my future just like I did a year ago. I would love to have that life-changing moment sometime, but I also realize that there's a 99% chance that my life won't go in that direction. I believe there's minority that can say they had this moment, but for most people it's all day-every day routine. Especially people with ordinary jobs; they can't really imagine blowing up like some YouTuber or model or actor can...

Do you agree with any of these? What would you add to the list?

Today: 25.11.2018.

Doing: shopping (there are still some great discounts here), DIYing some Christmas decor and cleaning my room

Mood: how can I be in a bad mood while shopping and preparing for December?

Favorite person: my mom - she went everywhere with me and gave fashion advice so I love that

Thinking about: which wrapping paper to buy and how to wrap presents I already bought and also about next week's shifts

Missing: my brother who is on a trip far away

Loving: that I actually haven't had a care in the world on my mind for the past few days

Hating: not having more money, but that's pretty obvious by now

New discovery: I found some YouTubers to follow which I followed years ago and then stopped cause I didn't like their content anymore and now I rediscovered them and I love it

Listening to: Eurythmics - I Saved the World Today (my bus driver was singing this the other day so it stuck with me)

How's your day going so far?

Why I wear black 99% of the time

If you've been reading this blog for some time, you know I have many issues with self image and I'm usually self-conscious about a lot of things, some being very normal and natural. If you haven't been reading it, I just told you a bit about my state of mind. There's more about it under the tab "Personal posts" or label "My weight loss" which was paused, but I'm going to write more soon.

So, there are basically 3 reasons why I love wearing black. First is I sweat a lot. I know sweat is totally normal and natural body response to lots of internal and external stimuli. However, I hate those sweat stains on me! Surprisingly, I don't mind them at all on other people because I know it's normal and I never wish to shame people for having them because that's not really something you can control. But when it comes to me, I'm the total opposite. I feel like I need to stop it and hide it. Sweat is visible on all colors and also white. However, it's not visible on black. So, that's one reason.

I always wanted to hide my body in my clothes.

The other one is my self-esteem. It's world-wide-known fact that black makes you look slimmer. I don't know how our brain gets tricked, but it is how it is. Since my goal is to look slimmer, without actually dieting or working out, of course, I tend to wear more black clothes. I used to wear all fitted clothes because I didn't want to add to my fat, but I now I learned how to style some clothes and what looks good on me so I can afford to wear baggy clothes too. It's usually all black, of course.

The last reason is just a matter of time management. I usually go for black clothes because they're easier to style. I can literally wear black everywhere and to all occasions. Wearing jeans and black top is my go-to combination. I'm actually pretty good with time management, but there are times I'm in a hurry or I like to concentrate on other stuff rather than spending an hour in front of my closet.

What's your favorite color to wear? I actually really like red on me, but for the given reasons, I don't wear it often.

Should kids earn their money?

This post was definitely sparkled while I was reading some comments on Facebook and realized most parents there were wrong. Now, I'm not a parent so you could say not to get involved in this and also who am I to give advice on parenting... However, I'm closer to being a kid than adult. I also know how I was raised and how would I act or feel if it was any different.

The first issue was: Should kids work and earn their money? Of course, we're talking about some yard sales, cookie sales, selling their drawings, painting someone's fence or clearing out the neighbor's garage; we're not talking about actual jobs. While parents think it should teach kids how to value money, I think it just takes away from them being kids. If, for example, a kid loves to draw, trying to sell those paintings is not a bad idea, but it could put a pressure at the kid and that's never good. Also, all of their friends would be in a park playing and this poor kid would be sorting old stuff in a garage.

"If they want something, they should work for it." shouldn't start before high school. Or later.

Another thing I saw was: I pay my kid to do some chores. Again, same as the above, I think this takes away from them being just kids, but this case is a bit different. Teaching kids they should help around is a good thing and giving them small tasks shouldn't be too difficult, but paying them for it is also wrong in my opinion. If it's about household chores, they should do it without getting payed. They're a part of the family too and everybody should contribute to chores. Nobody is going to pay these kids for doing chores when they grow up, so I think they would be pretty disappointed in how life works when you grow up.

They'll have enough time to be stressed out and worry about money. 

My point is: let the kids be the kids. Just that. I'm looking at myself and my childhood. I never got paid for anything I did around the house. To be honest, I didn't do much, almost anything, cause my mom wanted us to enjoy the play as much as my brother and I could. As we grew up she asked us to go to the store or take the trash out and we did it. No struggle, no payment. I don't know how things would turn up if it was any different in our house, but from today's point of view, I think I would resent my parents for making me think I had to bring money in the household when I was still learning basic math and how to write.

If you want your kid to help you with something, just ask nicely and try to make it fun.

Parents decide to have a baby or not to have one. If you do have one, or two or ten, it's your responsibility to take care of them. They shouldn't earn money for themselves at the age of 10. There's a whole life in head of them, they'll, unless they have super rich parents, have the chance to experience all kinds of money struggles and stress in general. Childhood is the only time when they can still believe in the good, that people are nice and mean well, that everything is unicorns and rainbows. Don't ruin it for them. If you can make it fun, like selling lemonade with their friends every once in a while, that's what I'd call acceptable. They need to have their friends and fun beside them.

What are your thoughts? Are you a parent? If yes, how do you deal with this topic?

I'm more than my social media.

I don't think this is a new topic to discuss because ever since social media started, especially YouTube and Instagram, people have been trying to make a line between just Internet world and real world. However, there are still people that suffer cause they feel not good enough or people that just don't get who other people are because all they see are social media posts. I got few comments, not mean ones, just comments, from my actual friends that they never thought I would be a social media person, the one that posts herself so much. So, naturally, I have to discuss it here...

I would say most accurate representation of my life is Facebook. I have pictures with my family and friends there and there are like 99% of people there I actually know. And I believe my family and friends are the biggest part of my life. But there's also my education, my trips, stuff I like which show my interests... However, over the years I learned not to post every single thing so, of course, there's a lot more going on in my head and in my life than what I post there.

...so Twitter is already a weird platform that shows a whole other part of my life, but not all of it.

If you look at my Instagram, I'm narcissistic bit*h that loves herself to the point I'm arranging photoshoots to look at my self. There's some truth to this, explained in the post First, let me take a selfie..., but that's not he whole story. What I don't show there is the fact that I've been hanging out with my friends for hours prior to that picture being taken and I haven't looked at my phone once while I was with them. Not all of my friends are OK with their pictures being online so I just don't post them at all. My family too. Especially because Instagram is a lot more different from Facebook in terms of which people are following me (and who I follow too, of course). Also, I don't post my messy hair, me being a wreck when the alarm goes off at 5 a.m., me being scared I'm going to mess up at work, etc.

Another platform I'm on is Twitter. I opened that because of my blogs and now I'm glad I did cause I met some awesome people there. However, if you just look at my profile, it's usually blog promotion or random stuff from my life. Just random thoughts. It's also quite accurate, but there are no friends there, events I visited, family at all. Also, no one in real life knows about my blogs so Twitter is already a weird platform that shows a whole other part of my life, but not all of it.

Also, I always post what I love or like, but I tailor it for the "audience". I know my friends aren't into nails so I don't post them on Facebook, only the manicures I'm extremely proud of. There are a lot of examples, but I'm going to make this even longer post.

Do you worry that you sometimes portray yourself as something you're not really? Are you worried what people think of you based on your profiles?

See you next Sunday ♥

Why not having Netflix is a good thing

I'm not sure when Netflix became such a huge thing, but it's definitely out there now. It seems great, there are tons of movies and TV shows that you maybe would not watch ever, but are great or just great for background noise when you're at home. Netflix in my country is not a big thing. Not as big as in the UK or USA I would say. I know it's definitely here because of the young generations influenced by these two countries and the Internet and YouTube... However, I don't think older people, as in my parent's age, even know what Netflix is.

My family, including me of course, doesn't use Netflix. I know some of my friends do, but not me. There are times when I wish I could watch some TV show that's the biggest deal right now, but I never actually got the urge to install/buy it. With today's Internet, I don't have the need. There are sites that provide us with all these shows and most movies. For other, there's TV and cinema.

If I had Netflix I think the rest of my life would suffer.

I'm quite big TV show addict. I usually wait till the show has ended completely or so it has at least few seasons done until I start watching it cause I binge watch everything. And by binge watch I mean watching 10 episodes a day if I can. I'm also late with everything because of this. I started watching The Vampire Diaries when they were doing 4th season I think, Gossip Girl when they were on the last one and so on. However, I don't care. There are definitely shows I've been watching from the beginning and watch one episode a week, but that's usually not my style.

Now, how does Netflix fit into this? If I had Netflix I think the rest of my life would suffer. This now sounds like I have no control of my life which is totally not true, but watching TV shows is a big love of mine and I know I would be spending more time in front of the TV. I also don't go after the hype when the world goes crazy, like for example, for Game of Thrones or Riverdale (which I would only watch to see Luke Perry). Maybe that's why I don't miss Netflix as much. I can always find shows I like to watch somewhere online.

For me personally, I don't think I'll ever need Netflix. I don't even want it. There's so much I do on my laptop, Internet in general and on TV that I "lose" enough time. I don't need another reason or a 100 new shows to watch to stay inside. Haha. I wonder if so many people have it cause it's cool and new and you just have to have it or they actually really wanted it/needed it.

What are your thoughts? Do you have Netflix? Why? Also, recommend me some TV shows to watch! Haha!

See you next Sunday ♥

When there's too much bad sh*t in short time

Note: This post was written a long time ago. I wrote the skeleton of it and couldn't actually get my thoughts together and words to explain everything so I just left it like this. Even now, I don't know where I was going with this, but I'm giving you my raw, unedited thoughts.

Hey. Today's post is going to be about being sick, in hospital and dying so if you can't read about those stuff, stop now. OK, so...
A lot has happened regarding these topics in very short period of time, somewhere around a year. I know a year sounds like a long time, but when you have to deal with the above, whole life isn't enough. You also have to know that I'm overly emotional person when it comes to strong feelings and serious situations like this.
My dad's friend, whom I really liked and considered more as an uncle when I was younger, has passed away just few weeks after finding out he has some, obviously deadly, disease. This really messed me up because I thought about him every time I listened to one band as we were always listening to them when he came over. I somehow always thought he would be here forever and we would still have some of our inside jokes. I still think about him a lot, more than anyone expects or thinks I do.
In January of 2015 I wrote about how my teacher died (you can read about that here) and how it messed me up pretty bad. In the beginning of this year my grandma went to hospital. It was a routine surgery, but we were still very worried. Not long after her hospital visit, my grandpa had a stroke and he was in a pretty bad condition. He, thankfully, got out after few months of therapy. He's still not OK, and we know he'll never be fully recovered, but I'm just happy to have him back. And let me just tell you it's really hard being around him and knowing he's only he half of a man he used to be. He's also really struggling with all of this so it's even harder.
Next, one of my best friends ended up in the hospital. Again, it was a routine surgery and he is fine, but having to call paramedics in the middle of the night would have anybody nervous. Now I found out his mom is in the hospital. She'll be OK, definitely, but it's hard on him so it's hard on me too.
Few weeks ago, one of my best friend's grandma passed away. She was old and sick for quite a long time, but it still took me by surprise for some reason. A whole one life, really close to me, is now gone. Few months ago we found out that my brother's best friend, and my very good friend's mother had cancer and, although she was taking medications and doing everything she was supposed to do by the doctors, she was really bad and passed away. She was only 50 years old. His grandpa, his mother's father, passed away today.
I'm not sure how to end this. I don't even have a point to all of this. I just needed to share it with the world, I guess. I don't know. I wanna end this with somehow positive thinking to cherish every moment, with every person you care about.

Feel free to share any story like this if you want to. Also, if you have any words of comfort or motivation, share those as well...

See you next Sunday ♥

The Fall Tag by Hailey

No, Hailey, I won't call it 'autumn' cause we say 'fall' here and 'autumn' is actually harder to pronounce. Haha. If you don't know what I'm talking about, Hailey from the blog The Undateable Girl's Diary made her own tag post The Fall Tag with her own questions.

She knows I love tag posts so I'm, of course, tagged to answer her questions. Also, since I'm doing 'fall favorites' post on my other blog, tag is written here. For once, I won't tag anyone in particular, but if you like this idea, definitely leave links to your posts in the comments and tag the lovely Hailey so we thank her for her effort in making this. There are 10 questions so let's go.

Two of my colleagues may be dating

Hi. It's currently 11 p.m. and I'm about to go to sleep, but there's something on my mind. What's a better way to think about it some more, than to write it down?

So, there's this guy... I know what you're thinking, but let me stop you right there. It's not like that. So, there's this guy I met about 7 months ago as we go to the same classes. We sometimes bump into each other while going to or from college and sometimes sit together (in a row with a 100 other people). We talk a bit. I really like him as a person. Just like that. I haven't really thought about friend-zone or future husband here. (Can't I just have a colleague?) I feel the need to really emphasize that I don't have a crush on him cause that's quite important for this story. Anyhow. Few weeks back, I noticed that he and my other colleague kinda have a thing, but it's really subtle and if I was to judge only based on what I saw, people could say that we're in a relationship too cause we all act the same in classes. However, what made me thinking is the fact that this girl doesn't really communicate with anyone and is quite reserved. So seeing them laughing and doing some stuff together indicated there may be a thing between them. Today I witnessed something that just maybe confirmed my thoughts that they're together. If this is true, I'm happy for them. But! (You had to know there was a 'but' coming...) I wonder. We all met under the same conditions, in the same environment. And if I think about it, I had the benefit of hanging out with him more as we do commute together. So, at some point she had to impress him more. Which is totally fine, but I don't understand how. (Sounds stupid, I know.) Obviously he had to make some move towards her and I wonder why that wasn't me. Get it? I'm not jealous now if they are even dating, but I wonder what's wrong with me. Haha. If he made a move towards me, I think I would follow cause I like him. But I haven't really thought about it till now. I know there's probably a simple answer like: "I'm not his type." or "They just clicked." which is also fine, but... You know... This sounds really messed up and a bit confusing, but I can't express it any better. Haha.

Basically, my question is why are guys going around me toward my friends/colleagues? This is not the first time. I know it must be me, cause they can't all be idiots/crazy or whatever you want to call them...

Comment if you understood anything here. I have a feeling I messed it up too much ☺

See you next Sunday ♥

Movie review: Heathers

Source: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ryder+posters

Info:  Heathers is a 1988 American black comedy film. It was written by Daniel Waters and directed by Michael Lehmann. Main stars are Winona Ryder as Veronica, Christian Slater as J.D., and Shannen Doherty as Heather, Lisanne Falk as Heather, Kim Walker as Heather. The movie has also been adapted into a musical. Movie lasts for 1 hour and 43 minutes.

Note: Plot has all spoilers, impression some and recommendation none.

Source: https://www.amazon.com/Heathers-Winona-Ryder/dp/B006MNH070

Plot: Movie follows high-school group consisting of 4 girls; 3 of which are named Heather and one Veronica who is new in the group. Soon enough, Veronica realizes that all Heathers are mean after they forge a jock's handwriting playing a joke on a overweight girl telling her he likes her. After she is publicly humiliated, Veronica starts her journal saying she wants the leader Heather dead. Then we meet the new student, J.D. who pulls out a gun on two guys trying to scare him and bully him. After that, Veronica is pretty fascinated by him. Hers and Heather's 1 relationship is still weak, but Veronica decides to go to a frat party with her. At the party, she refuses to sleep with the college guy and Heather 1 vows to publicly shame her at the school. The next morning, Veronica and J.D. met and went to Heather's 1 house when J.D. offered her a hungover cure, but it was drain cleaner. Heather died and Veronica wrote a note making it a suicide. Heather 2 took over the group. Two jocks spread a rumor about Veronica which gave her a good idea to pull a prank on them. She was meaning to scare them with guns loaded with fake bullets. However, J.D. replaced those with real ones and both of the guys were killed. Again, Veronica and J.D. covered it up by writing a suicide letter making them a couple that couldn't bare not being in the open with their relationship. The overweight girl from the beginning tries to kills herself by throwing herself in front of the car. However, she is just badly injured and ends up in a wheelchair. Heather 3 then calls a radio station complaining about her life what Heather 2 and Veronica hear and the following day Heather 2 tells her story to the whole school. Heather 3 then attempts suicide during the class, but was stopped by Veronica. Veronica then realized what her life is becoming and tells J.D. she's not doing murders anymore. She also fakes her death by fake-hanging herself in her room because she expected J.D. to come and kill her as he did. He also told her, while he thought she was dead, that he was going to blow up the school. The next day Veronica finds him with bombs and shoots him. The bombs are stopped, but J.D. survives and eventually blows himself up in front of the school.

Source: https://giphy.com/gifs/winona-ryder-heathers-BiKIsrBjiGgzm

My impression: Starting with the movie being a black comedy. I just thought it was black. There's a lot of dead people and covering up murders, but no comedy at all. I didn't know anything about the movie so I thought the relationship was a cute part, but then it all took the wrong turn. Them killing people and not realizing how serious it is was more annoying than funny. There's also not a lot of plot there.

Source: http://bloody-disgusting.com/tv/3502208/paramount-entirely-pulled-plug-heathers-tv-series/

Recommendation: I would definitely not recommend this movie! I know it has pretty high grades on all the sites, but I almost died of boredom. I found the plot very weird and not making any sense. I didn't find it funny at all even though it's supposed to be a comedy. The only good thing about this movie are the actors (young Christian Slater) and they did a good job, but the movie is still terrible to me. There's also a musical and some series. Also, they say it's a base for Mean Girls.

Read some of my earlier movie reviews to see if we have some similar taste in movies.

Have you watched it? What do you think of it?

See you next Sunday ♥

My body image journey - body shaming (part 1)

I have a feeling I've been writing some really personal posts here lately. I do love it, but I'm also scared that I won't find the right words to describe it all how I want to. This is one of those posts.

Although this is much longer and deeper story for me, I'll give you short introduction because I want to write my current state. So, this is a part one of the weight theme.

I've always been a chubby kid which actually made me very cute. As a kid. Then I started growing up and I was that chubby friend. In the first 4 grades of elementary school, I didn't even think about this as much. I saw I was bigger than the rest of girls, but I couldn't be bothered on daily basis. But then 5th grade came (which is a big deal in my school) and we were all around 11 or 12 years old and I noticed that most of my friends were hitting puberty and their bodies were shaping really nicely. I was also in my puberty then, but my body didn't shape at all. I just grew bigger and I was basically a blob of bones, fat and skin. Now this seems like I was a round bouncing ball which is not true, but I was fatter than anyone else in my class. I've also seen much bigger girls in my school which I still have mixed feelings about. At one hand, I was relieved that there's someone bigger than me and they went through school and life just fine, but on the other, I knew even then, with my 12 years, that my weight is keeping my personality down and I wouldn't make it as those girls did.

To add to my insecurities, my best friends were tiny and skinny and fit. Fast forward 2 years and we're in 7th grade, with our 14 years. My best friend has now changed to the point we didn't hang out anymore. So, she became the center of attention (she was a hot emo at the time; using the word 'hot' very lightly cause we're still 14 at the time) and I just lost my best friend and still remained the same chubby, not to say fat, friend. I remember my other friend came to my home and she saw my training bra drying on the radiator and she sad "OMG it's so big". Cause I was big. Like 4 sizes bigger than her. And I was so embarrassed, I told her my mom stretches clothes after washing (which she does a bit, not to the extremes). And OMG, I'm now going back few years to whatever age when my other best friend at the time said I "could take down" the older guy cause I'm "bigger and fatter anyway". We were playing with my brother's friends and I guess the game was to take someone down; the last team standing was the winner probably. And I got the new older and bigger guy cause I was fat and I could "just run and jump on him". I mean you know this hit me hard when I can still quote them.

Part 2 is coming next week. Do you have any stories to share on the topic?

See you next Sunday ♥

Where I am vs. where I thought I would be by now

I usually see these posts on New Year, birthdays or some other big dates during the year. For me, there's not anything special happening now, but I had some more time lately and I mostly spent it thinking about my life and future. And, as it usually goes, I went to the dark side. I thought about all the bad things I did to ruin my plans. Or should I say, stuff I didn't do to accomplish them. But let's start from the beginning.

I'll tell you my plans in short. I'm 23 now. By this age, I always thought I would be done with uni/college, with a large group of friends that would have a usual meet-up place like they do have in the movies. I also thought I would be engaged by now, with a job and maybe my own apartment. It's safe to say I had big plans for such a young girl.

Now, I also need to tell you how the living looks like here so you would get the complete picture. I mentioned it before, but in short, kids here live with their parents until being about 26 to 30 years old. That's maybe so weird and stupid to you, but it's normal here. Young people struggle with getting a job until about being 25 years old and the incomes are really low so this makes sense. Most young people also go to uni/college and are focused on that, so everything else comes in second. Not to go any further into this, just trust me.

Are you ready to hear where I am now? Here it goes... I haven't finished college yet (although I'm really close to finishing it), I'm also not engaged. I'm the complete opposite here. I'm single without ever having a boyfriend. I also don't have a large group of friends. I have few here and few there, but they are not connected and I have a feeling I'm losing more and more friends as the time passes. I don't have a job and I'm still living with my parents. Am I depressing yet?

Of course, I had more plans, and I still do, but these are some really important to me. Even though these plans were made when I was a lot younger, I still want to accomplish them all as soon as I can. And I probably could have accomplished some if I wasn't so socially awkward and sometimes lazy when it comes to uni. I don't know why I always focus on the bad stuff, but my mind naturally goes there. I usually snap out of it pretty fast and I'm not losing my mind over these, but I still hope all these plans and wishes will come true soon.
This year, a lot will change for me so I'll try to focus on accomplishing more of these. Of course, for engagement I should probably find my better half first. Haha. Although I started off on a sad note, I want to finish this with positive thoughts. I want to remind you all, and myself, that even though I haven't accomplished my goals by now, I'm OK. I'm living my life, I'm quite happy with it and I have hope for the even better future. Nothing is lost, I will survive and live my life as a normal person.
Not accomplishing plans as you imagined can be hard, but we need to let the life lead us. I would also want to take more control of what happens, but that's the part of the charm. Not knowing where the life will lead you. Or I just say that to myself not to feel bad. Either way, I'm OK. You'll be too.

What are your big plans you thought you would have accomplished by now?

See you next Sunday ♥

Storytime: A teacher was wrong & yelled at me

It's been a while since I wrote a 'Storytime' post, but let's just start this one. Sometime in my elementary school we had a substitute professor who was teaching geography and he had some big shoes to fill in as the professor that was absent was pretty loved. He was Michael, young and new in this business. So he came all friendly, a bit confused and all over the place, but very nice. He also told us we could call him only by his first name which was a huge difference to all other teachers and professors. And we were about 12 years old at the time. It was kinda weird so we kept calling him 'professor' whenever we needed him. Although I kinda missed the old one, I really liked Michael. And I think he liked me. Not only me, but I always did my homework, I did good in his class so he liked that.

One time we were given pair assignments and my friend's any mine was to write a paper on Cyprus and present it to the class. This was going on for few weeks before we had to do it. We've already listened to about half the class and we saw how everybody was doing it. We all had posters and papers in front of us to read all the stats and information we're supposed to present. Nobody was good at presenting in 6th grade.

So our turn came and my friend didn't show up to school that day (I forgot the reason why) so I asked my other friend if she could just read those parts off a paper. She said she could so we came up front and started. As soon as I started reading, Michael stopped me and started yelling. He said we couldn't read anything. We should have learned it. I first had to defend my friend and explain to him why she knew nothing about that and why was she even there. Once that was cleared, I still had to defend myself. The whole class was confused because it was not how Michael usually reacted and, also, everybody else was also reading everything off papers. After few minutes that felt like ages, Michael told me to sit down and I never finished my presentation.

I acted all strong and just pissed off, but when I got home I started crying my eyes out. He yelled at me in front of everybody for something that wasn't my 'fault'. I told my parents what has happened, they went to school the other day and talked to my class professor and Michael. The next geography class, Michael invited me to stay a bit after class. Of course, my whole class stayed because we were noisy little creatures. He invited me closer to his desk and apologized saying "he shouldn't have reacted that way". I just said "OK, thank you".

I still have no idea what happened that day, but me and Michael were pretty good afterwards and I also called him by his first name few times in later grades. He then left our school after about 2 years. I've seen him few more times afterwards, just passing by.

• ♥

What's your worst teacher/professor experience?

Thoughts I had while watching Fifty Shades Freed

Source: https://www.cineplex.com/Promos/fiftyshadesfreed

I don't know why I wanted to watch the third part when you all know how I feel about the first two. If you don't know, you can find out in my post Movie review: Fifty shades of grey + Fifty shades darker. However, the last part ended with a proposal, and I'm a hopeless romantic, so I had to see how this will go. Instead of writing a full review, I'll write down my thoughts I had while watching the movie. There will be a short review and my impressions at the end.

Note: Of course, there are spoilers here.

Source: https://www.tumblr.com/search/fsd%20movie%20gif

1. First scenes are a montage of how happy they are and it's too long and it annoyed me. Or maybe the song annoyed me.
2. Christian is jealous as usual.
3. He's still into this SM stuff while she's not so sure she likes it.
4. Anna is super polite to the staff and wants to be a "normal" person.
5. Sawyer the personal bodyguard is cute and he's probably my favorite character here.
6. Christian is possessive to the extremes.
7. Nice car, Christian!
8. No one could stay this calm during reckless driving like this and it's definitely not sexy. Ending a dangerous car chase with sex is normal, of course.
9. Was Sawyer still on the speaker during their car sex?
10. Kissing close-up was too close.
11. The way she speaks to Christian is too annoying. Like she's either talking to a child or she's scared.
12. I get it it's their thing, but him punishing her sexually for anything is getting old.
13. Hanna and Sawyer - yes, please! But nothing happens here because this is only a 2-people movie.
14. Here's finally the song! Almost 50 mins into the movie and I can hear Liam and Rita - For You.
15. First really cute thing Christian did was bringing her friends on a vacation with her.
16. Christian sings and plays piano? OK, now I like him just a tiny bit more.
17. Of course there's a fight in a club cause someone hits on Anastasia while Christian is there.
18. He is pissed off that she is pregnant cause she missed her shots, but hey, there are condoms guy!
19. God, I wouldn't want to stay with him after he said he doesn't want the kid cause she'll choose the kid over him. Of course she will. WTF?
20. "We leave for work in 20 mins." and yet you just went to wash your hair? I don't think so.
21. Her giving him a reality check about the baby is really needed here. You go girl!
22. Of course he's tracking her phone. And it comes in really handy when she gets kidnapped...
23. Telling the paramedics to be careful with the victim is not really necessary, especially when they're already rolling her bed in a hospital hallway.
24. So she needs to almost die for him to realize he wants this baby. And of course he cries for the first time in his life now because we need to see he's a changed man.
25. Oh there's the song, Ellie - Love Me Like You Do, while we're watching a cute montage of their story which, of course, ends with a weird sex SM scene. You just had to ruin this for me, right?

This is Sawyer.
Source: http://www.justjared.com/photo-gallery/3687336/jamie-dornan-dakota-johnson-fifty-shades-scene-brant-daugherty-09/

I think 25 is an OK number for this. I actually wonder how you reacted to some of these... Anyway, I'm supposed to give my short impressions of this.

My impressions: Considering the first two, this is a masterpiece. No, but really now...I actually kinda liked this movie. Maybe because I'm, as I said before, a hopeless romantic and I love seeing these character changes, but it's not as bad as the first two. If Christian wasn't so possessive and creepy, and if Anastasia wasn't so scared and weird all the time, this would be an usual rom-com. If you skip the sex scenes, it can still be one, just a bit annoying one. I like the songs I linked, so that's a plus. You can see their love here, but it's so messed up.

Source: https://www.newyorker.com/culture/richard-brody/fifty-shades-freed-reviewed-it-feels-like-the-third-time

What are your thoughts? Any specific thoughts on specific scenes?

See you next Sunday ♥

High school vs. uni/college

Hey. I just saw a picture on Sarcasm Facebook page and it gave me an idea to write this post.

This is it.

Now that I experienced both sides, I can make some comparisons. I have no idea how this is going to turn out... Going into college was just like another school I had to go to, but my feelings, habits and expectations changed a lot since I started it. Also, I need to emphasize that I don't have your "typical college" experience. I need to be there for every single class, we have mid-terms 2 per semester and, of course, finals and oral exams afterwards. We also had classes usually from 8 a.m. till at least 4 p.m., sometimes full 12 hours until 8 p.m. Yeah, fun times.
Note: If you need me to clarify anything or give you more more information, let me know in the comments.

• friends

When you're in high school you think these people are the best you'll ever meet. You are together all day every day, you just start going out, clubbing and everything's great. However, college comes and people go their separate ways. You'll find your group again, large or small, and these are the people you're most likely going to stay friends with forever. The difference here is that in college you're older, you know what you want, what career you want and that connects you more with other people. I still have my best friends from high school so it's not like you need to break all connections, I'm just saying you'll probably click with college people more.

• studying

This basically depends on how you usually study. I like to study during night; staying up till 5 a.m. is usually not a problem if I'm studying. I function like that, some people don't. Also, will you study continuously or all in one night is also on you. The main difference is that in high school you get few chances to improve yourself, to fix your grades. In college you don't - you either pass or fail and "see you in a few months".

• partying

I don't know how it goes now, but I started going clubbing when I was a junior (so 3rd grade of high school) or being around 16 years old. It wasn't real clubbing as we went out around 7 p.m. and came back between midnight and 1 a.m. I thought I was going to have a full college party experience, but with the college I'm going to, that's not the case. I do feel like I'm missing out, but that's also on me too. My point here, you'll be able to party if you're very good at organizing your time.

• responsibilities

In high school you're, what, 14 to 18 years old. There's not much you can do underage and there's not much you actually need to do. You're also most probably living with your parents so they'll take care of you. In college, you're probably living somewhere on your own, having to take care of your apartment/dorm room, having to buy yourself food, pay for the bills, taking care of paperwork... I was lucky enough to be able to live with my parents through all of this, but responsibilities are still higher.

• sleep

Yeah, it was time I addressed this photo. This photo is 100% true. For me it was more like 10 hours of lecture, but you get it. I think this is the mix of being older, having so much to do, having less and less sleep and a 1000 more factors. Also, for me, having 6 hours straight of one subject is just painful. I think college is much more mentally draining than high school.

How was/is your high school/uni experience?

See you next Sunday ♥

I'm broke.

More like broke AF, but I hate when people say it like that, so yeah. I'm broke. Just to set up this post, here's a small intro and all info I think you should have before reading this.

I'm a full time student with classes every day (or 4 out of 5), mostly during the entire day. I'm also 23, living with my parents. And before you roll your eyes, that's actually the most normal thing here. It's the way we live. I've had some summer jobs, but I didn't earn enough to last me the entire year. I also like to shop. I know I talk about shopping a lot, especially to my friends here, but I rarely actually go and buy something. I set my shopping goals and I'm usually pretty good at following them. My only income during the year are my grandparents (thank you!) and, of course, my parents.

Source: https://therealdanielsteinberg.wordpress.com/2014/09/19/im-broke-but-im-happy/

When I was in elementary school, and even in high school, I was usually the one with most money because I would keep all the money I would get and basically save it only for movies and coffees I would go to. Also, I should probably tell you that the prices of everything went up enormously since I was that age (so about 5 to 9 years).

Fast-forward 5 to 9 years and here I am. More broke than I ever was. Well, you can't be "more broke", so it's safe to say I'm broke. I obviously have much more expenses now, paying for some college stuff, clothes, make-up and all that that comes with puberty, growing up and basically trying to go with the world. I also have kinda wrong image of myself so I try to make up for it with new clothes and trends. However, lately, like in the past year or so, I've learned to live with myself, be happy and I've noticed that I spend way (!) less money cause I don't need all these stuff Internet tells me I absolutely need. However, that didn't help me at all. I have no idea how I survived some past years, but I spend less than ever and I have less money than I ever had. I'm lucky enough that my parents never turn me down if I ask for money, mostly because I'm a sane person and I only ask for "important" stuff and not for thousands for some new make-up product. But I've also noticed that they've been struggling with money more than ever now and it's obviously reflecting on me too.

Now, not only that I'm not able to afford some new stuff for myself, I'm struggling with buying presents for my friends, keeping up with them when they wanna go out and so on... I don't know if I explained this they way it is in my head, but I'm actually struggling with this a lot. A lot more than I let anyone know.

I'm maybe even more stressed out because of the fact that I was always "the richest" out of my friends and the fact that I always had some more money at home. I was even able to lend my friend a sh*t ton of money cause I had it. I couldn't have done it now. I don't know where I was going with this, but I just needed to tell this to someone.

How are your finances? Earning money or getting it?

See you next Sunday ♥

100 Truths Blogger Tag

There's a lot of tags going around. I've done my fair share of those on both of my blogs. Since I already did a tag post very very recently on my other blog, I've decided to have this one here. And it seems more appropriate since there are more personal and life related questions here.

As soon as I saw this, I had few questions in my head. Are there seriously 100 questions here? Am I supposed to like add some questions? What's going on? I've never heard of this tag before. But I was also really really happy to be tagged, cause I freaking love these. And my girl Hailey knows that.

Movie review: Baywatch

Info: Baywatch is a 2017 action comedy film based on the television series of the same name. The main stars are Dwayne Johnson playing Mitch, Zac Efron playing Matt, Jon Bass playing Ronnie, Alexandra Daddario playing Summer, Ilfenesh Hadera playing Stephanie, Kelly Rohrbach playing CJ and Priyanka Chopra playing Victoria. The plot follows lifeguard team led by Mitch Buchannon. Along with just saving drowning people, they decide to take down a drug lord. Movie is 1 hour and 56 minutes long.

Note: Plot has all spoilers, impression some and recommendation none.

Plot: The movie starts with Matt Brody (Zac Efron) coming to the beach to be a lifeguard in Mitch's (Dwayne Johnson) team. We immediately find out why Matt is there. He was/is a famous swimmer who led his team, but lost the championship so they kicked him out of the team and he's broke. He also had to take this job as a part of a plea deal. Also, captain thought Matt was popular enough for Baywatch publicity. However, he soon finds out that Mitch is not fooling around and he takes his job very seriously. Even too seriously when he, with his team, takes on a case of finding a drug dealer that has been popping up on his beach. Along with this plot, there's one that follows their friendships and relationships where we see a spark between Matt and Summer, Mitch and Stephanie and then CJ and Ronnie. After hearing what the Baywatch team is doing, the captain fires Mitch and puts Matt in charge. Determined to prove he didn't plan this, Matt decides to take down the drug dealer. He asks the team for help and they all go undercover on a boat with Victoria Leeds, the mastermind behind the drug case. The action doesn't go as planned and Matt is trapped and Victoria tries to drown him. Mitch saves him in the last minute and they eventually take down Victoria (Mitch blows her up with fireworks). Captain is arrested and the team is back together with Mitch leading them. The last scene reveals new captain Casey Jean (CJ) Parker (Pamela Anderson).

My impression: As I was a huge fan of Baywatch series, just hearing the names of the characters was great. I liked that they embraced some parts as parody and they admitted some scenes were over the top. And it blended in with the rest of the plot really nicely. Slow motion scenes were sometimes too much, but they also addressed them immediately in the movie which was a nice change from all the rest of the movies. Appearance of David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson just made this movie even better. The original Baywatch team came and that's all I needed. However, I don't think this new cast lives up to the original cast (no one ever will, of course). There we got bunch of episodes and characters could evolve. It's not the case here.

Recommendation: Well, this is hard to say. I know the critics hated this movie and it doesn't have high grades on any site. However, me being a Baywatch series fan, I liked it. Nostalgia probably hit me, but I can't complain too much. However, there isn't actually a plot. There is, but there isn't much happening (if that would be a good description). You can also take this as a parody to original series. Even though I loved it, I think majority wouldn't and it's a movie you'll either love or hate, I think.

Have you watched the original Baywatch series? What do you think of this movie?

See you next Sunday ♥

Movie review: A Dog's Purpose

Info: A Dog's Purpose is an American comedy-drama film released in January 2017 based on the 2010 novel of the same name by W. Bruce Cameron. The film stars Bryce Gheisar playing young Eathan, KJ Apa playing teenage Eathan and Dennis Quaid as adult Eathan. Juliet Rylance, Britt Robertson playes teenage Hannah and Peggy Lipton plays adult Hannah. There are also John Ortiz as Carlos, Kirby Howell-Baptiste as Maya and Nicole LaPlaca as Wendi. It is 1 hour and 40 minutes long.

Plot: We're first introduced with the dog dying and immediately transferred to the new puppy. The story is told from the dog's perspective so we hear a lot of his/her inner voices and thoughts. Puppy Bailey soon becomes a part of a family with Ethan, his mom and dad who is not really keen on having a dog in the house. After few years, Ethan grows up and becomes a teenager that meets Hannah and they start dating. Also, in Ethan's teenage years, his father becomes a drunk and, after a huge fight, Ethan asks him to leave and never come back. Ethan starts to have a good life when he's finally recognized as a good football player and gets a scholarship for his college. One night, Ethan's classmate Todd throws a firecracker inside his house and the whole house gets on fire. Unable to escape, Ethan and Bailey get out of the window, but Ethan hurts his leg badly enough not to be able to play football anymore. He's desperate and bitter so he breaks up with Hannah. Bailey soon dies of old age. We're introduced then to a new german shepherd puppy Ellie that's a police dog with her police officer Carlos. They go on a mission once and Ellie gets shot and dies. Another puppy gets into the movie. This time is corgi named Tino that accompanies college student named Maya. He has a good life with her and her new family, but dies of sadness and old age after his friend never comes back from the vet. Last puppy is called Waffles, then Buddy and then Bailey again. He starts off as a pet to weird and abusive couple and he escapes. While he's wandering around he gets himself near a park where he notices a familiar smell and he's soon in his old neighborhood. He then finds Ethan who is at his farm, alone and pretty sad. After some thinking, Ethan takes Waffles and renames him into Buddy. Buddy soon reunites Ethan and Hannah, as she was the smell he recognized in the park. After showing Ethan some tricks and responding to some catch phrases only the two of them knew, Ethan realizes it's his first dog Bailey. The movie ends with dog's voiceover: life is about having fun, saving others, not getting caught in the past or regrets, finding someone to be with and living for today.

Impressions: At first I didn't get what was happening with dog dying in the first minute, but it all got into place after few moments. I immediately fell in love with all the dogs and the way they're presented. They also went through all stages of life and showed some difference in thinking. As I'm always connected to the dogs anywhere, I felt what he/she was feeling. I was so sad at times and I was also happy for the dog. Bailey dying in the first half of the movie almost made me stop watching it, but I'm glad I didn't do that. It basically only gets better afterwards. Even though I missed the old dog, him coming back in the different looks is totally sweet and an ending I've waited for.

Recommendation: I'm a huge dog lover, so of course I loved this. I have to warn you that the plot kinda gets boring in the middle with some changes, but it all comes around in the end. Also, you have to get into the whole reincarnation idea if you want to like it. The main character is a dog which may turn you away from this movie, but I promise animals don't talk here. It's easy to follow it and get in the dog character. Although it doesn't have high grades, I would recommend it. It's cute and sad and happy in the same time.

Have you watched this one? Did you watch "Hachi: A Dog's Tale"?

See you next Sunday ♥