13 February, 2015

My regrets

Hi. I'm sorry I haven't posted anything in a while. I tried few times to write something but every time I went on my blog to press "New post" I would see the last one. I got too sad and I just wasn't in the mood for anything. I realized that if I continue to do that, I'll never post anything again. So, I pulled myself together and here I am.
This post was supposed to be inspired by cheesy love movies and songs (for instance, Berlin-Take my breath away) in them that still pull all of us in those times and those perfect love stories, but I have other things on my mind so I'll put them in my virtual diary. I'll just make a small digression and thank my friends for great gifts for my birthday. I loved how they went sentimental and incorporated our inside jokes into presents. Love you J. and D.
And now on to my big concern. I'm twenty now, Weird actually. I still feel like I'm fifteen, sixteen. Most of my life, all of it if you don't count the first five years when I actually wasn't aware of my existence, I spent in school. Elementary, high, now college. I've been studying some stupid things that I'll never need my whole life. Yeah, that's depressing enough but I actually have something else on my mind. I'm not satisfied with my life. I've done nothing. I have nothing. I have friends and family. And that's about it what I got out of life. I know these are kinda the most important stuff and I am thankful for all of them. But I wanted more. Maybe it sounds selfish and ungrateful, but I can't stop my mind (and my heart) from thinking I should have more. I mean, if I'm 20 now and I already have regrets, how will I continue my life? People say you have the whole life to do what you what you want. Just like in "Sex and the city" they started really living in their forties. Well, I don't want to do it like that. There are some things I want and I'm too scared to work for them. For some of them I have other obstacles. Maybe if I write down my wish list it would help? Now that I wrote this, I will make another post named "My wishlist" so you'll see what I want in life, but for now, I have to say that I'm really worried. Normally, this kind of thoughts come in middle age, you know, middle-age crisis and stuff like that. I got it pretty early. The only thing I can say right now is that I wish I hadn't grown up so fast. I wish I stayed a child a bit longer...
Well, I hope you don't have regrets in life. If you do, I hope this post shows you that you're not alone.
So true.