22 April, 2014

A (wrong) thing on my mind

First of all, I would like to thank the "Anonymous" (I believe it's a girl) for commenting on the previous post. It really helped and you'll be happy to know that I've already pressed "Going" on the Facebook event so I really can't bail now. I'm going to have fun, I hope. I'll let you know how it went on Saturday.
You know how it is when you have lots of things to do (study!) and you can't concentrate? Well, it happens to me all the time. And most of the times I have one thing on my mind. Him. Any him. But Mr. M. is on the top of the list, of course. I started watching Gossip Girl. So far, I love it. And, of course, I found a boy of my dreams in it. Nate Archibald. He's a golden boy. He seems to have it all: looks, money, popularity, friends, girls... But there is something in him that makes him so down-to-Earth and simple. And that's what I want. Actually, I just want somebody who will love me and appreciate me, but this would probably be the description of my perfect guy. So far I haven't found any flaw in his character. In case you haven't noticed, once I start watching a show, I can't stop. I'm a total addict. I'm "studying" now and all I can think about is: "Will Nate found his girl?" Plus many more questions related to the show. And, like that's not enough distraction, my thoughts wander somewhere and I end up thinking about my former friends, a dress I saw and the new billboard on the street. I'm everywhere but in my room studying. I believe that's because I'm looking for an escape from my own life in those TV shows. And my weird and naive mind (and heart) thinks that I could actually have it all. Just like they do in those shows. And then I wake up. And I'm still in the middle of my room, with a book in my hands and I realize I haven't done anything I'm supposed to. It's so disappointing to live every day like that. I basically know I'll disappoint myself at the end of the day and I'm not doing anything to change that. I told a friend today: "Never regret something that once made you smile." But that's impossible. Sometimes you just look back and you realize that your decision was stupid and pointless. And that's just how I feel every morning when I realize I know nothing and I have an exam to write. Good thing I was up all night pretending to study. So, it's basically a never-ending circle...

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