01 January, 2017

New Year blues

OK, I really had no idea what to call this post so I gave it this title, but this really is not about the New Year. I've been feeling like this for the past few months now. Basically I feel like I have no control over my life and like I'm going nowhere. To fill you in: I'm 21, student, in Europe, living with my parents.
OK, I can start now. I've been seeing many of my friends studying abroad, exploring new cities and cultures, working, some are athletes and they have sponsorship (by the freaking Coca-Cola). People are learning few languages, doing sports, playing several instruments. With all that, they manage to keep a great social life and mostly great grades in college. And then there's me. I'm struggling with college alone and I have 4 friends I can hang out with (but they're not the same group so I have two groups of two friends). I can't get a job cause I'm at college from about 8 a.m. till 6 p.m. every day. With that said, I can't really travel or take courses cause we don't have that much money. And OK, this is maybe an excuse cause I'm also shy as hell so God knows would I ever participate in something... I got rejected from my dream job this (now last) year. Everyone is telling me not to feel sad or down, and they think I'm really OK with it as I went on with my life and education like nothing happened, but to be honest, I'm really worried. It bugs me almost every day and I think about it a lot more than I show. Also, time around New Year is always reminding me that I'm single, which I'm usually perfectly OK with, but you know... New Year... Also, I've gained weight which instantly made me more shy and self-conscious.
I just wanna live my life! I want to do so many things and I somehow can't manage it. I know that for the 99% of these issues I have it's my fault, but that's how it is. And I'm just feeling down so I wrote this.

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