My friend Joan

So, I'm continuing describing people around me. (You can find intro post here and all others under the label Family and Friends on the right.)
Today, I'm gonna write about my best friend Joan. There's so much I can write so I hope I'll manage to fit everything into this post as I don't want it to be too long. So, I've met Joan in the first grade of high school; so we were both freshman in the same grade. We sat together by accident and we remained like that till the last day of our senior year. I can't really remember how we started talking about the big things, but I guess we both felt like we can trust each other. I think the fact that we were together for 8 hours every day and we still went for coffees almost every day, and we hung out on the weekends and holidays too, says enough about us loving being together. Of course we see each other less now as we went to college, but that didn't affect our friendship at all. I love the fact that we both cherish our friendship and that we make an effort to really spend time with each other. We lived together for a week on a school trip and we spent summers together without any weird vibes. I honestly think we never had a fight! Big one, small one, any kind of fights. We disagree sometimes, but that's perfectly normal and I love it how we can talk rationally even if we're not on the same page. That sometimes makes the friendship even more interesting. The only thing I regret about her is me not being there for her on our school trip. She was having a fight with some other girls and I wasn't by her side. Now, she says she doesn't mind because I was sick and kinda dying in the bed but I still feel I failed her. It's been 3 (or 4?!?) years since that and I still think about it a lot. So, I should have said this in person a long time ago, but: I'm sorry Joan. That's the only thing I don't like about us and that's not even her fault so I could say I have a perfect friend. She is stubborn, sassy, sarcastic, funny, caring, down to earth. Optimist, pessimist and realist all in one. She is the one I can call about anything and she'll give the best possible response even if she couldn't care less about the topic. Of course, she, like everybody, has flaws but I don't care about them. I also never said this in person, but she's my sister. When I'm comfortable enough to tell her all about my family or myself, to sit with her 6 hours outside on a freezing cold day (because we're stupid, no other reason), I think I can call her my sister. I'm so looking forward to spending 100 more years with her and to all the summers and birthdays we're going to spend together.
Now, I wanted to write this in a way that she would cry in the end (if she ever reads this) and think: "I'm so loved here". Because she is. You are Joan. ♥ But I obviously didn't succeed, but what the hell ;)

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I really do love you! ♥

Today: 28.01.2016.

Doing: mentally preparing for the test today (I'm actually really optimistic about it)

Mood: OK, I guess; I can't complain about anything, but I'm not jumping out of happiness either

Favorite person: I haven't had any interactions with people yet as it's early morning, so we'll see; I'll find somebody at college for sure (I'm thinking my teacher)

Thinking about: how to do my nails today - plain or nail art?

Missing: sleep! as every normal college student

Loving: butter and jelly breakfast (not peanut butter, although that's also tasty)

Hating: the fact that I have to leave my apartment today for college (if I was going somewhere fun I would love it as it's really pretty outside)

New discovery: you can remove your nail polish faster if you soak cotton pads in nail polish remover, place it on your nails and wrap with foil or duct tape

Listening to: Europe - Carrie

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MWL - feelings before

Hey. Intro post about this topic is here and all other posts about this will be under the label "My weight loss" on the right.

Today I'm gonna write about my feelings I had quite a long time ago (I still have them every now and then). So... I was always chubby, ever since I could remember. And I'll use terms 'bigger' and 'chubby' just because I do realize there are bigger people than I ever was and also because term 'fat' is hard to describe as everybody looks at it differently. While I was growing up, I was surrounded with mostly skinny and fit friends (I'm talking about girls mostly). There were few chubby friends but I actually didn't hang out with them as much. There were often comments made by my aunt, godmother and other relatively close people about me being chubby or not being able to put some new clothes on as they thought I was slimmer. And (I never said this to anyone) my friend calling me Fatty (like it's my nickname) when I was about 10 did not help. Despite that, I was fine until I got into 5th grade (that's about 11 or 12 years old). My chubby friends grew faster than me and most of them formed a really nice body pretty quickly. I didn't pay much attention to it until the 7th grade when all of them were really close to being women (with their bodies) and I was still stuck in, let's say, 5th grade. I know this doesn't seem much, but you can't help it with your complexes. Anyways, all of them were dating or flirting or whatever, and I was aside. Even then I wasn't bothered as much. This problem with my weight started around 7th or 8th grade of elementary school. I saw people around me, I was aware of my looks and I saw what guys (especially my crush) looked for in girls. I also saw how much more confidence they had than me and all started piling up. This continued in high school and it only became worse since I was among only few bigger people there. This lowered my confidence even more. Then all those previous comments about my looks kept coming back and I was more bothered by this than ever. Soon, me not being able to wear a mini skirt was much deeper problem than just that. It was connected with depression, me thinking I wasn't good enough, I wasn't worth it, I didn't deserve all the things my peers were experiencing. And maybe I should have just gone out more, communicate with people more... I don't know. Maybe that would help me because I saw these people aren't so different than me (every now and then when I got the chance to talk to them). But at the point where I was then, I couldn't even imagine myself hanging with cool, stylish, fit and skinny people (not talking about my true friends, of course). I thought all people saw when we talked is my fat belly and large legs. At young age as mine (or at any for that matter), this kind of thinking can really mess you up. And it messed me up. 

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Oops!

My aunt and cousin

You can find my previous posts about my family on the right under label "Family and Friends" on the right. Today I'm gonna write about my aunt (dad's sister) and her son.

Hmm... My aunt. Oh boy, she's a complicated one. She is really a kind and giving person, really opened and outgoing. Although this sounds great, people who know her (like really know her, like me) know that she comes of as pushy and all-over-the-place person. She's kinda seducing every man out there (she's divorced) and it's so awkward to watch that. But! If you see her for the first time, you would probably think she's great, really communicative and polite. Anyhow, for quite a long period of time she was like my second mother. I think she always wanted a baby girl too, so I was her baby girl. We went shopping together, went out for lunches and stuff like that. I don't think there's anything that she wouldn't do for me (and my brother and her son, of course). With me being older now, I do sometimes get embarrassed and bored just because she walks around dressed like she's 20 (she is 50) and she talks about the same things over and over again and she mixes topic really fast so I can barely keep track of what she's actually saying. Other than that, I really love her. She's always there if I need her, always ready to help and always in a mood to keep you company. So that's her.

My cousin, however, is a different story. Me and him never actually had the cousin-cousin relationship. He used to play with my brother when they were little; but I was too little to play with them. So, once I grew, he stopped coming over and I think that's why we never actually connected. Now that we're both 20 something, it's hard to start over. We do talk sometimes, mostly when I go to visit my aunt and he helped me with my college stuff and we sometimes spend the holidays together and stuff like that. But I will always regret not having a Will-Smith-Prince-of-Bel-Air kind of cousin. And I know there's a way to fix this; I could send a message, try to meet up or something but I'm thinking this would be too awkward. And I don't think he thinks of me as his company, so... I'll leave it like it is. It's OK that we're good and the rest is not that important I guess. As my aunt wished for a girl next to her son, I wished for a female cousin too. Is that wrong?

Do you have cousins? How's your relationship with them?

There are no pictures for cousins. Not any that I liked.

5 things I like about myself

Hi! I don't know why, but I'm in a great mood to write something optimistic. So, I never actually think of the good stuff I do or something that I have or do better than other people (not to brag but to be able to appreciate that part of myself). I hope there are more than 5 things I like about myself, but since this is my first time doing this, I thought I would start with a small list.

1. I'm a good listener. I think I am. I actually really listen to people and try to give the best possible response even though I maybe don't like the topic or even if I'm bored (which usually doesn't happen because if I talk to my friends, whatever is important to them is important to me too).
2. I'm a great gift giver. I listen to people through the whole year and I remember stuff they want or need and I get them that exact thing. I honestly put a lot of effort into gifts and I love to see expression on people's faces when they unwrap my perfectly wrapped gift (perfect wrapping is a bonus good trait).
3. I'm organized. It maybe doesn't seems so but I actually like to get things done immediately. If I don't have time for everything I need to do, I plan everything out and, somehow, I always manage to fit everything into my schedule.
4. I don't regret eating. I wrote this because I'm actually trying to lose some weight and get my body in shape, but I'm not hardcore fitness person. I do not regret eating if I like the food unlike some people who worry (too much) about their looks.
5. I always try to see the other person's point of view. It's so hard when the situation is about me, but I try it anyway. And I said I try to do it, not that I always succeed. I'm great, however, at these stuff when I'm the third person.

So, these are the 5 things I do like about myself. It was actually so hard to write this. I wrote the first two and then I had a half an hour break to think more about this. It's so hard to write these kind of things when people concentrate more about the bad stuff then on what they should be proud of.

Tell me, can you say 5 things you like about yourself? Comments below, please.

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I actually did this myself.

Today: 10.1.2016.

Doing: homework, studying (planning on), watching TV, went out for lunch

Mood: pissed off, disappointed

Favorite person: Maggie, she did my part of the group work (I'm usually the person who does it all so I'm surprised and so thankful)

Thinking about: exams a bit, my family, friends,... just random thoughts

Missing: going ice-skating (nobody wants to go with me and I won't go alone, yay)

Loving: chocolate and water (I'm surprised I said I love water)

Hating: this feeling I'm having about my family (I can't really explain this)

New discovery: oh do I have a bomb here! But I can't tell anyone (friend's secret, sorry)

Listening to: Whitney Houston - Greatest Love Of All

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Street cat is now my pet!

Hello :) I'll warn you immediately if you're not a cat person do not read the rest of this post. I'll begin now.
So, a while back we saw this cat just wondering around my building. Then we saw her again, and again, and again. (I'm convinced that it's a she.) And before we knew it, she became local-house pet. Me and few more neighbors were taking care of her; bringing her food and water. After some time I tried to get closer and I succeeded in petting her. Before I knew it, I was going out just to check on her, I had to say "hello" every day before I went to college and every day when I got home. I knew she had two places where I could find her so I had to look at both just to make sure she was there. And she was beautiful. She was fluffy, black with white markings and amazing green eyes. And she was so cute and nice. Of course, I tried to find her home but nobody would take her. I couldn't do it myself because my family doesn't want pets. End of story. Anyhow, I called some animal shelters; even they turned me down. So I said I would wait some more time and try again. I actually never got the chance because someone took her. (My neighbor says so.) Now, looking at her, you wouldn't say she was a street cat; she was too fat for it (you know how stray cats and other animals are usually skin and bones). I fell in love with her immediately and I was kinda heartbroken when she was gone. I know she wasn't mine, but she was. She was my pet. She was the closest thing I got to a pet over here. And I miss her every day. That's weird, right? I don't know. Now we have a new stray-pet cat here and we even built her a house (cause it's winter and she can't sleep outside anymore). She seems to like it, I saw her in there few times. She is also fed every day. And I like this one too, but this one is more shy and not really like a pet. The weird thing happened one day when I saw a black cat just like mine Kitty and I called her hoping she would react like Kitty always did. But it didn't. I knew it wasn't her but I hoped maybe she lost some weight or something and I didn't recognize her at first. Anyway. I miss my Kitty. I can't wait to get my own place to have pets.

What are your thoughts about this? Do you have a pet? Cat or a dog person?

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She was mine !!!! :'(

5000!!!

Hi! I actually wasn't going to write anything today but (!) I just saw I have more than 5000 views on this blog!

THANK YOU!!!

I'd like to thank:

• Croatia - 2656 views (amazing!)
• USA
• Ukraine
• France
• Germany
• Russia
• Bosnia and Herzegovina
• Slovenia
• Poland
• Portugal

I thank all of you!!! 

You can contribute to this blog by commenting below (you can also comment as anonymous) and by rating in the boxes below every post.

**If you have any ideas, please share them with me.

That's it. Thank you!

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MWL - intro

Hello :)

So, I don't know if you're interested in this (I don't know if you're interested in any of the things I write, but I do it anyway), but I'll write about this. This abbreviation I just used stands for My Weight Loss. I know a lot of girls (and guys) struggle with this issue and it is usually much deeper problem than just physical appearance. I decided to write down my journey as I was (and still am) in the I-wanna-change-my-looks club.

Basically, I'll just write down my feelings about this topic, my diets and workouts, how this has changed my style and me as a person and how I think people look at me now as opposed to then.

I'll also make this a series of posts so you'll really be able to see all aspects of my fight. This will be labeled as "My weight loss" and this label will be on the right, as all the others. I will not write one post after another; I'll mix them up with other topics so people wouldn't get bored of just my personal appearance.

Of course, I know it's hard to only read this, but please understand that I don't wanna show myself here as I'm writing some really personal stuff and I don't want anyone to know it's actually me. You'll just have to trust me and I promise I'll be 100% honest (as I always am here).

You are free to ask me anything in the comment section below and I'll answer everything as soon as I can.

That's all for the intro. Hopefully, this will help you (in any way).

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New 2016!!

Hello!!! How are you all? Hungover? Sleepy? Tired? I don't care. Happy New Year!! With all the best wishes for this year!

So, I've written about "problems" I had while deciding what to do with my New Year's Eve (post here). Anyways, I already chose my dress (my tailor did an amazing job with my dress), my shoes, picked out a hair style and then I sat down to decide whether to go to a party or not. Thank God my friend said: "Go. This way, if it sucks, you'll know it. Otherwise you'll just wonder and you'll be sorry later." Thank you Joan! I mean, she wasn't the only one with these words, but I'm so excited right now I would hug and kiss her and all people around me. It was amazing! If my 2016 will be anything like the way I entered it, it's gonna be one hell of a good year!! I was a bit skeptic at first and I sat down for about half an hour, just looking at everyone and everything. But after this half an hour, I began to shine! The music was great, food and drinks too. But those guys... Oh my God, those guys. You just have to love them. They're so kind, funny, accepting, communicative, such goofs but also really great and down to Earth people. I really felt like part of the family there, which is actually a weird thing cause these people have been hanging out for more than 10 years. The only problem I had is the fact it ended so soon. Actually it didn't, but I could go on like that forever. It was just the perfect night! I was really scared how it will all turn out, but I couldn't ask for a better party. I regret not having my picture taken because, in my humble and totally objective opinion, this was my prettiest look since I was born. But, oh well, I guess I'll just have to wear the exact same outfit on a imaginary photo-shoot (my mom taking pictures of me - take what you can get, right?).

Not to make this a longer post than it should be, let me know how you spent your NYE. Comments below as usual.

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