26 April, 2016

How can you erase them from the phonebook?

I've been going through my phone the other day and, for some unknown reason, I opened my phonebook and went through it. I saw some names I haven't called or seen in years. Some of those people, I'm not sure even know I exist. For some of them I don't even know how I got the number since we never talked or hung out. But some people were my good friends. And I have their addresses, e-mails, home phones (when that was popular)... I haven't called 90% of these people in ages. Those I met in elementary school I haven't called for about 7 years now and I haven't got in touch with them for 5 years for sure. I have few friends I regularly see and that's it. Same is with high school and any other group of people. So, why do I keep their phone number which could be wrong by now? Because I can't let go. Having their numbers reminds me that I used to have so many people in my life. Some of them I only called once in my life (I remember the exact example and conversation haha), but that makes me happy. I wanted to be one of the cool kids, the popular one. I never was. So, keeping their numbers reminds me that I once talked to some people or that we were that good to exchange numbers or something like that. It's pathetic and desperate since I'm 21 now, but this feeling has the same strength as it used to have. And it's getting worse? I have no idea. I think I'm in that weird phase (where I've been for the last 15 years) when I still need approval from other people and I still want to be one of the cool kids. Erasing phone numbers would be like erasing memories. Some non-existent memories, but still pretty important in my mind. (This makes no sense!?) Also, there's that small chance I'll need some of those people and their number might come in handy. That will probably never happen because I don't even know what most of those people are doing in their life, but I said there's a small chance. Really small. There's also that feeling that I have a number of a popular kid. I can't explain it, but it's like this is making me better than other people. Not really because my current friends don't know those popular kids so no one cares, but I know. The more I'm writing this, the more I see how silly and weird it is. But there are some stuff you know are crazy and completely irrelevant, but it's usually stronger than you. Just to be clear in the end, I'm not obsessed with this, but as I stumbled upon this, I thought I would write it all down.
Do you have some weird things/doings like this? I'd love to know I'm not alone.
Cool kids. And me on the left.

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