Meeting your idols!

Hi :)
(I wrote this few days ago.)

I just got back from a concert and this is ideal topic to write right now. You'll see that "idols" is a very strong word and that's not how I would describe a person I'm gonna talk about, but you'll get it.

So, I went to this concert with my friend and we saw a person we both kinda like (I'm in love, of course) and we wanted to take pictures with him. We saw he was already asked by some people so that shouldn't have been weird, right? OK, we got to him, asked for a photo and he said yes, but it was so irritated and already annoyed "yes". I mean, he is kinda a celebrity now (a contestant of a singing show). You could see that all people (male and female) wanted to take pictures with him. Not with the recent winner or anybody else. That had to mean something! And he only took few pictures before us, so you would assume he's not pissed off just yet. The way he agreed to take a picture made me feel annoyed and sad. He's half-celebrity and he's already like this to his "fans"? Not to make myself the most important human being here, but he'll make money and live his dream because of me. Because of all of his future fans. You have to appreciate it. I guess it's annoying having to smile all the time and take pictures with random people. I get it all. But as a celebrity, I don't think you can afford to show it. Keep it to your self. I'm not a person that would stop people in the street or when they're eating or sitting in a coffee shop so I think this was appropriate event to ask for a picture. Don't you? This is only few seconds of your life and to somebody, it's the best thing ever. Imagine if you met your real idol (favorite singer, actor or somebody else) and they were irritated to see you. How would you feel? I like this guy for those few songs he chose, for him being cute and for the beautiful voice he has. Luckily, I don't have stronger feelings. Otherwise, I would be pretty crushed. I'm all for famous people to have their privacy, but when you come to a concert, red carpet or something like that, you can expect people getting to you and interacting with you.

It's possible I got the wrong impression and maybe he's the nicest person ever, but I'm most likely never going to find that out so I'll live the rest of my life thinking that he was annoyed by me at the moment. Well, thanks. Just what I needed.

Do you get me? Any thoughts? 

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  Concert halls!

How can you erase them from the phonebook?

Hello.

I've been going through my phone the other day and, for some unknown reason, I opened my phonebook and went through it. I saw some names I haven't called or seen in years. Some of those people, I'm not sure even know I exist. For some of them I don't even know how I got the number since we never talked or hung out. But some people were my good friends. And I have their addresses, e-mails, home phones (when that was popular)... I haven't called 90% of these people in ages. Those I met in elementary school I haven't called for about 7 years now and I haven't got in touch with them for 5 years for sure. I have few friends I regularly see and that's it. Same is with high school and any other group of people. So, why do I keep their phone number which could be wrong by now? Because I can't let go. Having their numbers reminds me that I used to have so many people in my life. Some of them I only called once in my life (I remember the exact example and conversation haha), but that makes me happy. I wanted to be one of the cool kids, the popular one. I never was. So, keeping their numbers reminds me that I once talked to some people or that we were that good to exchange numbers or something like that. It's pathetic and desperate since I'm 21 now, but this feeling has the same strength as it used to have. And it's getting worse? I have no idea. I think I'm in that weird phase (where I've been for the last 15 years) when I still need approval from other people and I still want to be one of the cool kids. Erasing phone numbers would be like erasing memories. Some non-existent memories, but still pretty important in my mind. (This makes no sense!?) Also, there's that small chance I'll need some of those people and their number might come in handy. That will probably never happen because I don't even know what most of those people are doing in their life, but I said there's a small chance. Really small. There's also that feeling that I have a number of a popular kid. I can't explain it, but it's like this is making me better than other people. Not really because my current friends don't know those popular kids so no one cares, but I know. The more I'm writing this, the more I see how silly and weird it is. But there are some stuff you know are crazy and completely irrelevant, but it's usually stronger than you. Just to be clear in the end, I'm not obsessed with this, but as I stumbled upon this, I thought I would write it all down.

Do you have some weird things/doings like this? I'd love to know I'm not alone.

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Cool kids. And me on the left.

All girl power or?

Hello :)

I'm sick and tired of people (mostly girls) telling me that I should change my views and opinions when it comes to girls. What do I mean? Well, most of them (some I know personally, some on the Internet) have been asking me how can I be against girls in some situations when I, myself, am a girl. How could I not? Really? You're that delusional to actually believe that everything a girl does is right just because women have been subordinated to men for so long? I'm all for equal rights and all that important stuff, but there are still girls who will attack other girls for saying a third girl is wrong. Confusing? Let me make it clear. Example. Let's say a girl is cheating on her boyfriend. And we'll assume is the perfect guy, OK? Is it right? Of course, not! But (!), there are some people who would say that she has the right to do it (and she does), but also that it is OK because she needs to feel more in control or to have more power. I don't know if I'm crazy or what, but that's not how I feel. If she is cheating, I'll consider her a bad person. If she's scheming or lying, I'll consider her a bad person. Assuming all around her are perfect. I get it that sometime women have the urge to stick together and show that they're not as weak as they used to be ages ago and they finally have a voice and can do whatever they want. I understand that and I support that. But approving anything a girl does just because she is a girl is juts plain stupid. Sometimes I get asked how could have I said she is a bitch or that if I were her boyfriend I would leave her. Well, of course I would. I can't stand watching people treating other people badly. Guys or girls. I personally don't think there's anything wrong with my opinion here. It's like I'm saying she shouldn't have a right to vote or free will. Calm down people.

What do you think about this topic? Any similar experiences?

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Or not?

Today: 17.4.2016.

Doing: trying to study, but it's not really happening

Mood: I'm actually in a good mood, a bit stressed out, but I feel like crying all day - what's happening?

Favorite person: my mom

Thinking about: exam tomorrow, upcoming exams, some people I just recently met,...

Missing: sleep - I often write this, but I had superbusy last few days and new week is just starting so I'm waiting for the next weekend to actually get some sleep

Loving: my new face - I had professional beauty treatment and I can sure feel the difference!

Hating: college stuff, what else.

New discovery: I have nothing...

Listening to: Whitney Houston - Run to You

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Stop it with the "healthy"!

Hi :)

Before you assume I'm not trying to live a healthy life, I am. In my own way. Also, I do not drink or smoke which is not important here, but I just wanted to say that out loud. OK. I love food. I don't eat much food and I'm very very picky, but those stuff I eat - I love. I never look at it as a healthy or unhealthy meal because I simply love it. I do eat vegetables and fruits and soups, but I love sandwiches, pizza, french fries and food like that. And I love chocolate and chips and all of that junk food. And I don't feel bad. Why would I? But! There are so many "health-trainers" out there. Everywhere I look, everybody is expecting people to eat only cooked meat (fried is making you fat), vegetables and some grains/cereal. Are people seriously living like that? I mean, if you are, OK, but don't make me feel bad just because you're a food tyrant. I think people mix healthy and loosing-weight food. but even then, why do you care what I eat? I have a pretty balanced diet (yes, with all these junk food) and I feel just fine. I sent a photo of my dinner the other night to my friend. I was eating chips. Yes, I was eating chips for dinner, OK? And her only response was: "That's not very healthy." Thank you nutritionist by nature. I'm well aware of that. And I don't care! People were living healthy long before this and I don't see my grandparents being so strict on their diets. And they're healthy. So, it's all about the looks, right? Because you don't really care about someone's health. You care about their looks. Somehow seeing a fat person insults you. Eat apples and you're gonna lose weight. That's the whole point. Let's be honest. Being fat is one step closer to being sick, but (!) there are so many fat people who are healthy and so many slim/fit people who are sick. Even if you're trying to lose weight, you can still eat everything, you just have to be careful when and how much. But I sure won't let food or "healthy lifestyle" dictate my life. What you eat is your choice, but don't make it a holy grail and don't make all other people follow your steps. Because, even with advice on healthy eating, you're making all other people who don't eat like that feel bad. I'm taking this topic very personally because I consider myself a larger person and people telling me "that's not healthy" usually means "you're too fat for this food" in my head. Of course, that's only me and you probably know how to speak with your friends and family about this topic, but next time you say something, think about it. I think I wandered off the topic a bit, so here's the point. Not everybody wishes to eat only vegetables. Stop it. Thanks.

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So, yeah...

How do you make small talks?

Hello :)

I've told you before that I'm a socially awkward person. Not much, but there is a higher level of awkwardness than normally expected. I'm especially nervous in large groups which should be quite easy to handle as you're not the only one on the spot. Even if I know some people, I'm still struggling to make a conversation. I see people around me talking and I always wander what they talk about... If I listen to any of the conversations, I hear small talks, random topics. How do you do it? I know it's supposed to be so easy cause you can find so many random topics out there, but I can't start a conversation. Besides "How are you?" and "How's school?", I really have no idea what to ask or what to say. I started this because I have a best friend's birthday coming up and there's gonna be a lot of people. Half of them I know, half I don't know. Even those who I know... What do I talk about? Maybe you're rolling your eyes right about now, but this is a serious problem for me. If people start talking to me, I'll respond. Sometimes better, sometimes not so great, but I'm not either rude or totally anti-social, so of course I'll answer and try to continue the conversation. But starting it is a huge problem. Also, I'm kinda glad that I have to study now (weird, right?) because I had a reason to turn down a get-together offer. I know all the people there and I still got really nervous (despite spending the New Year's Eve with those guys and girls). Yes, that's how hard it is for me. And people around me say that they have the same problem with meeting new people, but I don't really believe that. From what I've seen, I think nobody out of my friends have a problem as big as me. At least, they don't have a problem talking to people they've already met sometime. Am I super-weird or are there some other people like me? I'm thinking now, it wouldn't be helpful hearing I'm not the only one. I mean, it would, but that's not really a solution, right? Can somebody tell me what do you talk about? I really do not want to mention weather in any of my conversations, but I think everything I'm about to say is inappropriate or boring or too nosy. And then I keep quiet. Sometimes I hear somebody else saying the exact same thing I thought and everybody is amused and then I just wanna kill myself for not actually saying it. Also, I spend about 10 minutes thinking about something before I say it (if I say it). It's so complicated and stupid and annoying, but I really do not know how to pass this.

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How do you do it?

Movie review: Lies in Plain Sight

So, Chad Michael Murray has been my celebrity crush for so so long. I've "met" him in One Three Hill and my love continues. That's why I looked for his other work. I knew he has something else than this TV show and Cinderella (one of my favorite movies, btw). I stumbled upon the movie called "Lies in Plain Sight". As it is romance/drama movie, it was on the top of my list.

As usual, plot has spoilers; my impressions don't and are there for you to see whether to see the movie or not.

Plot: Everything starts with Sofia getting back home from Boston for her best friend's and cousin Eva funeral. We immediately find out that Eva killed herself with a gun in her room and her little sister found her. Sofia is surprised that her cousin didn't leave any note as they spoke to each other recently and Sofia didn't notice anything strange. In fact, Eva had it all - good family, great boyfriend and, all-in-all a good life. Sofia would know it as she was living at Eva's place for the most of her childhood. (Sofia's mother dies and her father was lost for some time.) This is where Sofia turns into the detective and talks to Eva's ex-boyfriend. She also finds out that Sofia was pregnant and was about to do an abortion. She confront's Eva's, now, ex-boyfriend Ethan (played by Chad) and learns that they broke up a month ago, but haven't slept for months so the baby couldn't be his. After some time, Sophia found a tape from when she and Eva were kids. She heard Eva's father coming into her room. After this, all of it came to the place. Sophia decided to confront Rafael, Eva's father. She found him at the pool so she decided to go for a swim with him to let him know that she knows what kind of monster he really is. (This was such a weird and stupid scene!) Unfortunately, he is a strong man so he tries to drown her. Fortunately, Eva's younger sister Alexa comes and puts a stop to it, accusing Sophia of harassing her family. (Why didn't Sofia say anything to anybody?) Being so scared, wet and confused, she went to Ethan's house looking for comfort. (Of course!) Being such a great non-couple all this time, they kiss and the next thing we see is the morning after. Now Sofia finds Eva's suicide note where she confesses everything. (It's normal to sleep with your dead cousin's ex-boyfriend and the first thing you do after sleeping with each other is check under the bed for suicide note. Yeah.) Sofia goes immediately to Eva's mother Marisol who, apparently, knew about everything but decides to stop her husband by killing him with his own medicine. (This is creepy as she's telling him she loves him while he's dying...) The movie ends with Rafael's funeral and Ethan and Sophia on the cliff looking into future.

My impressions: As for most romantic movies - I loved it. There's this plot of suicide (this is not really a spoiler as it happens in the first minute of the movie) and you're kept intrigued the whole time as you also need answers. Also, there's the love plot which has Chad so, of course, I loved it. There is also a powerful story of young women and harassment and how not all of it is how it seems. It's actually a really tragic story. Also, Martha Higareda did an amazing job in this movie. But (!) I did think that first part of the movie was kinda slow and not much was happening. Also, as in most movies, there are some unexplainable and stupid scenes, but I watched it online so I skipped all the boring parts.

Chad...