22 June, 2016

Feel like crying all the time?

Hi. In one of my recent "Today" post (this one to be exact 17.4.2016.) I wrote down that I'm in a good mood, but I felt like crying all day. I told my friends about this and they said it's probably just stress. This would make sense because I'm actually about to make a huge decision and I'm finishing college so that's always stressful. So, some time has passed, I haven't thought about this any more. But today. I got up early as my mum and me went to my grandparents. I was tired, but didn't mind it much. We baked cake and were so excited to surprise them. As we were driving to their place, we talked and listened to music, as always. We drove on the same roads as we usually do. Nothing unusual was going on. Until I heard some song on the radio (and if I remember correctly, it wasn't a sad song) and I started crying. Thank God, it was that silent cry and I only felt tears falling down my cheeks and I felt really nervous and weird. I was also wearing sunglasses so my mum didn't see anything. I wanted to tell her this because I was really feeling fine and happy, but this was so weird and out of my control. However, I felt like I would start really crying if I opened my mouth, so I kept quiet. I immediately thought of what my friends were saying the first time and I tried to think about my current problems or what could be bugging me. I still have the same problems, this time even bigger, but stress would usually mean nervousness, being unable to sleep or eat, or eating too much,... There are my usual stress indicators and what's usually considered normal. This, what's I'm experiencing right now, is not normal. Is anybody out there experiencing this? A helpful advice how to stop it would be appreciated. The weirdest thing is I'm actually happy. And this could be some inside alert because we're not really aware of everything we fell (which is absurd?), but I don't know how to deal with it. This decision I'm about to make. It will define my next 3 years in one scenario and my whole life in the other. And, honestly, both scenarios scare the life out of me. And everybody around me is expecting so much; they expect me to be on the top of the world tomorrow and I'm not even sure what to do.
I have no line to close this topic, so I'll just leave it like this.
What do I do?

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