10 March, 2016

Last finals!

Hello :)
I don't know if you know, but I'm currently on my final year of college. I have three more months of this torture and I'm out. (I'll probably take additional 2 years, but I'll be done with this part in three months.) As every year, finals are getting to me. But now, I'm more stressed than I ever was. So, here's the deal. We go to college for 3 years and then we write a paper on some subject and then we're done. The problem is, I'm not interested in any of the topics. Furthermore, I have to choose a professor that's gonna guide me through it. And my teachers are, let's say, useless. I went for an advice and I got bitchy responses and a teacher telling me I'm not gonna make it. That's exactly what I needed now. Thanks. As I walked out of her office, I just sat in the hallway for about 20 minutes. I couldn't breathe properly, I was so freaked out. I thought I would have all the answers once I actually got out there and started asking questions. But no! People are telling me I'm gonna do fine, it's all gonna be OK. Well, thanks, but that's not really helping. If anything, it's only putting more pressure to perform really well as it's expected from me to do so. And deep down I kinda know I'm gonna do this, but I don't want to just do it. I want to do it well, so the professor would be proud. So I would be proud. I need guideline and help which I'm not getting. My friends picked their topics two weeks ago. And I have just a week more to figure out how I'm gonna do this. Also, I really want to do one topic now that I researched it more, but I'm not sure I'll be able to write 50 pages on that. And I love that professor, but I'm also kinda scared of him. He seeks perfection and won't take bulls*it. And he doesn't like stupid questions. Well, all I ask is stupid to him because he knows it all and I'm a newbie here. I can't explain how stressed I am. I haven't slept properly for two weeks. I'm shaking most of the time. All I think about is this. Even if I'm with my friends, or watching TV, or anything else, I'm thinking about this. I did some research about my potential topics but it gets a lot more complicated once you really start to do it. I'm mostly disappointed in our college system and how they handle students in their final year. Also, I'm angry at myself that I waited for two weeks only to start panicking now. Great.
Help me!!!

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