06 January, 2019

NYE from hell to the best NYE

Hello everybody! Happy New Year! I hope you all had a wonderful time during holidays and I hope you missed me. Haha. I announced this topic on Twitter and a lot of people were actually interested in how my NYE went because I also wrote that I'm scared and nervous for it.
I'm socially awkward.
Just a quick reminder that I don't have anxiety or depression, but I'll maybe use these words to try to explain what was going on. Also, I'm quite socially awkward and new people freak me out. I'm pretty good with older people, but with my own generation I suck at social gatherings. I tend to keep quiet and I don't initiate anything myself. Of course, I'm really relaxed with my friends and then I have a completely different attitude.
I got there, in between all best friends.
Even though I had multiple invitations which surprised me so freaking much, I chose one event. It was a small gathering organized by my something-in-between-colleague-and-friend. He invited around 10 people, but there were 8 of us in the end. Most people there were in the same relationship with me as he was. We were more than colleagues, but not real friends. Some are closer friends than others, but I don't know. We'll call them all friends, but you get it. There was also one guy who is boyfriend to one of the girls and I've seen him maybe 2 times and I don't think we ever spoke. And then there was a completely new guy whom I've never even heard of. Also have in mind they're all really good, best friends to each other. And couples. And then there was me.
...I'm so so glad he picked me up...
At first I didn't even want to go, I was making up excuses, but my mom eventually told me to go. "If you'll have a bad time, just say you're sick and I'll pick you up." My mom is the best. So I got some food, some drinks, got dressed and waited for a friend to pick me up. Most of them were already there, but I waited for one as he lives near me so I would have a ride. First of all I have to say I'm so so glad he picked me up because we talked about everything and nothing, laughed a lot and I was relaxed by the time we got there. And no, I don't like him romantically; sorry to disappoint you. Now that I think of it, you should know him and his girlfriend as Mr. T. and Miss D. from my posts here. was going to be a horrible night. And we just started...
Anyway, we got there and everybody was already having fun. I thought it would be hard for me just to come and blend in as everybody was looking at us (naturally as we walked in). It is usually the hardest part for me so I always like to be the first at the party. I'm much more comfortable with welcoming people than being welcomed. Tell me in the comments if you have the same problem. I was offered a drink or two, I sat down in the corner as I usually do and I was already feeling weird. I started overthinking, again, as I usually do and I really thought it was going to be a horrible night. And we just started... Some were dancing, some were goofing around, some were talking and I was just observing everything. I was already overwhelmed with the situation.
...I was single while everybody was kissing their significant other.
However, we soon started playing some games, we laughed together and the awkwardness faded. We also ate dinner and I was soon really comfortable with all these people. I'm still not sure what actually happened in my mind, but I hope it'll happen again at some gathering. I just stopped overthinking and I had fun. I think music was a big part of it as I listened to all my favorite artists and songs so I was in a really good mood. The only awkwardness happened when the midnight came and I realized I was single while everybody was kissing their significant other. However, I didn't feel bad about it. Maybe just a bit sad, for a second.
I kinda missed my family, but my mom made it better. As she always does.
I say it's "the best NYE" for every NYE that I didn't feel horrible so this one goes into this category as well. I had my friends beside me, I had great food and drinks, awesome music and overall great atmosphere. What else could I ask for? My mom texted me at exactly 00:00 and it warmed my heart. Oh, yeah, all of this happened before midnight. Haha. After midnight we just continued dancing and mostly playing games which made us all laugh our as*es off... And let me just tell you, party ended at 7 a.m.
My point is: just go for it. I know people with serious anxiety or whatever condition can have bigger problems than I do, but I think trying things even if you're terrified can be a good thing. At least with things like this where you can just walk away and change your mind at any moment. If I went with my initial thought, I would have missed this great night, this great bonding time.

How did you spend your NYE?


  1. I'm really glad that you went and had a good time. Nothing more disapointing than getting your shit together, actually going and then it ends up not being worth it. So what a great way for you to start the new year. Games definitely make sense, cause everyone can play and just have fun. I'm honestly not sure what person I am, these days. I used to be that person who shows up super late and enjoys all the attention. Well, maybe I am still like that, but I don't really go places, where I don't know anyone. I either go with friends or I don't. If I got invited to a similiar situation like you, I'm not sure, if I would. I'm not really big on making new friends, but when I was your age (I know... ;) ) I probably would have. And yeah, the possibility of escaping is amazing. Truly helpful!

    I usually spend NYE alone cause I don't want to hang out with my coupled-up friends, even though I could. But I'm actually considering it for next year, cause I did feel pretty lonely. I usually enjoy the alone-time, but I didn't. But we'll see what happens in 2019. I doubt, I will be one of those couples by the end of the year, but who knows. Haha, always the pessimist.

    Anyway, I hope you have a fantastic new year and I wish you nothing but the best! :*

    xx Hailey -

  2. Haha! I'm with you on the pessimist side :D
    Seeing couples there hurt just a bit, for those few seconds where they were congratulating each other and I waited for couples to break up so I could do it too. I usually feel lonely on NY's Eve and Valentine's Day of course, but I'm more OK with it now than I was few years back...
    I want new friends, but I hate meeting new people. See my problem? haha

    you too ♥