Is working out only for fit people?

OK, OK, this title is like "wtf?", but hear me out. To get this out the way, I'm pretty chubby (actually I'm the fattest I've been in years which made me write about this), I'm totally out of shape, I'm also really not flexible at all. Welcome to my world.

I recently decided that I wanna get in shape. To be fair, that's been my New Year resolution for the past 7 years. However, I think I'll have more time now and motivation. We'll see. And now I remembered those 3 times I went to the gym with my friend. He was also like me so I thought I would feel OK with him being there. However, immediately as we stepped into the gym, we got all eyes on us. We weren't regulars, we weren't all dressed up for the gym (like they are on Instagram) and we were completely out of shape and chubby/fat. People there looked either like models or something on steroids (one guy didn't have a neck). So we put our heads up high and went all in. We were pumping, running, lifting... And we were dying, naturally. So we did that for 3 days and then exams came and we didn't have (didn't want to make) time for it.

Then I started working out again and again and again over the time. But I get discouraged pretty soon cause I'm tired immediately, I can't do half of the exercises I want and I, of course, don't see the results after 5 minutes of working out. Surprise, surprise.

I went running each morning one summer and it was basically walk-run combination, but I tried. One day, a couple was running by me and I was walking while heavily breathing and I heard them saying "she won't get far". Being insecure that I am, this really hit me. Really? I'm trying here. Like, I would applaud all people that run, walk or whatever. Because it's hard work even if you're in shape. It's an effort and people should be applauded.

Everywhere I go, everything I try seems like a competition. I get it. If you're approximately on the same level with someone, you can compete. However, if you see me, a beginner here, struggling, dying and catching my breath all the time, it's obvious that I can't compete with you. Than why would you make me feel even worse than I'm already feeling?

Not all people have those thoughts, I know, but the ones I've had the pleasure (read in sarcasm) of seeing near me have proved me otherwise. I don't see many fat/chubby/overweight/out of shape people here working out in public. Ever. Maybe I just don't see them, but it's like we're all in our home, trying to make some step forward first and then make out public announcement. I could be wrong.

Also, all commercials and posters are of people in great shapes. I get it it's marketing and those stuff sell gym memberships or protein bars, but we need to see some progress. We need to see before and after comparison to know it's OK to start small. Everybody that posts anything related on YouTube is already in shape and working out seems so easy. I need someone that will struggle all the way cause it's realistic.

With all this in mind, if you have some blog, YouTube channel or page to recommend, feel free to write in the comments! Also, any workout program is welcomed as well.

Tell me, do you think working out is only for fit people?

See you next Sunday ♥

Today: 4.3.2018.

Doing: studying (even though I'm done with college) - there are some stuff I need to finish, some I just started, some projects I'm working on... 

Mood: could be better - I'll leave it to that

Favorite person: does my plush teddy bear count?

Thinking about: how I though life would be easier by now

Missing: college actually - I miss seeing my friends daily and also, classes gave me something to do all day...

Loving: free time - which is a total contrast of what I've written above, I know

Hating: that I need to study now and that I get so affected by YouTube comments sometimes

New discovery: Polaroid Zip printer for mobile phones - honestly I love mine so much

Listening to: Gabbie Hanna - Satelite, Gabbie Hanna - Out Loud (or video version here), Scotty Sire - Mister Glassman - vlog squad all the way

How is your day going?

See you next Sunday ♥

Movie review: Fifty shades of grey + Fifty shades darker

 Note: Plot has spoilers (obviously, duh), but you can read all the rest without me revealing anything.

Info: Fifty Shades of Grey is a 2015 American erotic romantic drama film directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson. Stars of the movie are Dakota Johnson as Anastasia Steele and a young business magnate Christian Grey played by Jamie Dornan. It's 2 hours and 5 minutes long. Fifty Shades Darker is its sequel with the same leading roles. This movie is 1 hour and 58 minutes long.

Note: Not recommended for persons under the age of... what? 12? Not for kids!

Plot 1: The first movie starts with Anastasia having to interview Mr. Grey instead of her roommate who is a journalist, but is sick so she can't go herself. Anastasia asks Christian all the questions she was given, but gets answers to none of just partially a few. There's an obvious attraction on both sides. Interview then ends and Anastasia is worried about the job she's done. When she gets home, she finds out Christian has sent all his answers to her friend on email. After a day (?), Christian finds her working in a shop selling tools and all that stuff. He buys ropes and some other stuff. The entire conversation is awkward cause she is attracted to him and he is to her. After spending some really short time together, they sleep together and we find out that she was a virgin just until now. They sleep together few more times until he shows her "the room". He has a room full of SM stuff and sex toys that basically nobody knows about and every woman has to sign a contract saying that she is willingly doing this. She can also leave whenever she wants and they also have a safe word for him to stop. Even though Anastasia wants to really date him, he is not interested in that. After few "sessions" she is tired of it and wants a real relationship. Then he reveals his childhood story about being sexually abused by his mother's friend. She then asks him to show her his worst behavior which leads to him hitting her with a belt. She realizes that it's too much for her to handle and leaves him in tears. As the movie is ending, they are separated.

Plot 2: Second movie starts where the first one ends. They are separated and she is trying to start her life again without him, while he is suffering and wants her back. When they meet, he admits he wants her back and  he's willing to keep his SM obsession down. After some convincing, they get back together and they somehow have the normal relationship. There are scenes with them just hanging out and cooking together. She wants to take it slow, but after some time, they sleep together. She asks him to show her his room again. He is a bit confused with this, but agrees and their relationship takes a new course where she starts to enjoy his SM games. We also meet the lady who shaped him played by Kim Basinger. She wants Christian to stay loyal to her and his SM roots, but is disappointed when she realizes he loves Anastasia. The second movie ends with a beautiful scene in a fake garden/pool where Christian gets down on one knee and proposes to Anastasia. She says yes.

My impression 1: I hated the first movie. If you read my plot here, I've probably left out some things because I mostly skipped the parts of it. It was too boring to watch. There's no reason for them to get immediately attracted to each other, there's no reason for her, a good girl, to lose her virginity to a guy like that after knowing him for 2 days. Also, as far as I know, for SM games, both sides should be into it (credits to my friend Joan for making this point). So it mostly looks like sexual abusing than pleasure. Also, she leaves in tears and is often really uncomfortable because she wanted to be near him, but he clearly stated that she can stop it all and leave whenever she wants.

My impression 2: In comparison to the first one, this is a better one. There's more "normal" stuff and scenes that I liked more. There's also more-or-less normal relationship story. However, the whole point of first one was that it was all too much for her and she wanted out. This is supposed to be on her terms and she just pulls him back into it when he's clearly struggling to get away from all that stuff just to make her happy. I didn't get that plot twist in her head at all. There are only two scenes I love - where he lets her touch his chest (you'd have to watch it to realize why this is a big thing) and the ending.

Recommendation: Unless you've already seen these, don't watch them. I know it's hard to stay away form a movie this big and popular with very controversial story, but you're seriously not missing much. As I said, I skipped most parts because they were either boring or the sex scenes were just weird and too long for me. Also, keep it in mind that these are not the movies you would wanna watch with your family. If you're expecting full on sex show, there's more to this movie. It's about emotions and being emotionally unstable which greatly affects your personal life. However, even though I like that storyline, the plot itself doesn't make much sense.

Did you watch it? What do you think of the first 2 parts?

See you next Sunday ♥

I'm back (for good)!

It's been 3 months since I posted here. I said I would post every Sunday at noon CET and look at me failing my own words. I really did want to post and I had so many topics and ideas, but focusing on my exams and projects I'm working on has put this blog in the back row.

I don't know if I'm ready for this announcement and whether I should be doing this, but I'm here to make an official statement.

I'm going to post here every Sunday at 12:00 CET.

If you've been reading my blog before - thank you! I hope I still have some readers left here. If not, all new ones are very welcome!

I'm going to post random lists, rants, movie reviews - everyday stuff basically. Looking back on the last few posts makes me really happy cause this is what I want to write about here. This blog started as a rant, or better to say - as a personal love story with bad ending - so I want to keep the same direction.

I hope you'll stick around.

See you on Sunday ♥

Storytime: I'm going clubbing!

I've decided to share one 'night out' story with you. If you've been reading some of my older posts, you know I'm kinda socially awkward, with very few friends, I almost never go out like clubbing (last time I was there was 4 years ago?). With that being said, I kinda went out with people that are not even my best friends. To fill you in a bit about our relationship, I'll just say we are good and we hang out at college, but we've never been out together. We rarely even have coffees together. To make it more not my style, there were some other people invited which I don't even talk to (not because we're not in good terms, we just never started a conversation and we don't have many topics beside college to talk about either). I have no idea why I said 'yes' to this, so not my thing!

Last night started pretty OK, casual with lots of drinks and laughing. Although I didn't make some connection with these other people, I wasn't uncomfortable and I just tried to have a good time. The night was going great. Music kinda sucked, but it was all in all alright. Then we ran into more people I didn't know (and at some point I was left with a group of totally unknown people) and some people I really really really (!) dislike. Immediately, I felt nervous. I felt like I'm not myself anymore and like I'm thinking about my every move and how they're gonna see me and what they're gonna think of me. So there was that. Then, after few very awkward moments I wish not to share even here, my group decided to go home. A girl I met just 20 minutes ago was left alone cause everybody left to the toilet so I stayed with her. My friends and I had a misunderstanding so they actually left me there. However, I left after about half an hour. There are two reasons why I stayed "so long": music was really great and I haven't been in a club for 4 years! So yeah.

I know I haven't given you many info about this night, but I wanted to share how my evening went from "this is gonna be a great night after all" to "God, why?" in just few hours. I know I have this problem where I overthink everything and I care about other people's opinions way too much. But that's me. Every time I go anywhere, I know this will be the case. It's just a matter of my mood and mostly people around me how that event will go.

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Do you have any clubbing stories you'd like to share?