Incoming grandparents

Hey you :)

I only have an hour of freedom so I have to type fast. What am I talking about? My grandparents are coming and they're staying at our place for a few days. That normally wouldn't be a problem, but we don't have typical grandparents-granddaughter relationship. We haven't seen each other for about 10 years. There are few reasons why, I won't get into that. We talk on the phone once a month and on birthdays and holidays, but that's not really a relationship we should have. I know I'm blood related to them, and that's pretty much all I can feel for them. They're not really my grandparents. And I have no idea how to act around them, what to say, what to ask... I can't ask "What's new?" because I don't even know what's old. I know almost nothing about them. Last time they (actually only grandma) visited, she stayed at my aunt's place and we only went there for two days. And I was too little to know what awkward is. I only cared for the golden pendant she gave me. I'm over that material phase, so now I have to bond with them. But how? I have to be polite, communicative and really happy they're here but I'm not. I don't have any other emotion than "awkward!". It was planned that me and my family go to them but something happened and now sides are reversed. I was looking forward to going to their place because I was interested. And I love traveling and sightseeing. And now I'm doomed. At least I feel like that. Please tell me what to do!! Like awkwardness isn't enough, I have a big test on Tuesday, so I really really need to study. And I'm going to feel really stupid for being closed in my room all weekend. But I have to have my priorities. And, unfortunately, they're not it. I'm connected to them only because of my father. I never actually needed them, I have my other grandparents, family, friends (...), so I can't say they weren't here when I needed them. They just weren't here. No feelings. I'll keep you posted!

Wish me luck, bye

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All blurry in my head.

(Bad) neighbors

Hello :)

Although, there is a movie with cute Zac Efron titled like this, this is a whole different story. Where do you live? In a house or a flat? I live in a building with 14 flats. Of course, I have neighbors. Most of them I don't even know to be honest. They are either much older than me or ones who move a lot so they spend a month in this building and then they're gone. I have my favorite old neighbor that I simply call The Neighbor. She's just really nice old lady that I kinda consider my third grandma since she was the one who welcomed me home every day from school. Than I have this older guy that is my father's friend from childhood actually. He is also really sweet. And, since he's an artist, I get lots of his crafts (magnets, few necklaces, souvenirs...). That's about it who I actually love from this building. Others just say "Hi.", I say "Hi." back and that's it. And there are those new neighbors. New is relative term here. They've been here for about a year, maybe more. And I hate them all more and more by the day. There are husband and wife with three girls there. Two of them are in elementary school, one started high school a year ago (?). Never mind actually. They annoy me and The Neighbor. There are three flats on each floor. So, we're all on the ground floor. Yaay us. These five people have the urge to yell every night from 10 p.m. till about 2 or 3 in the morning. Every single day. I know they're out most of the day so it's kinda expected to find people at home late at night. But they're either fighting every day or just talking. It's the same for them. They yell. All the time. And early in the morning. Oh God. Six a.m. on Sunday. Seriously? Go to sleep. Or go to church. Do whatever you want just be quiet. I bang on the wall every night in hope they'll get the hint. My arm is blue. I can't do it anymore. So I just switch rooms, I go to my brother's room since he's not here. I don't know anything about them. I don't want to know. I don't care. But, whatever their story is, they should be aware that they are not alone here. The Neighbor told them everything and you would think that it would be enough for normal people to get it. But not them. It's a freaking building! We have some lousy rules about noise, but we still have them. No yelling after 10 (I think) p.m. and before 7 a.m. (again, I think). Having a flat means not being alone. Although, you should be able to do whatever you want in your own apartment, it's so not OK to the others living here. I really hope you'll never get neighbors like this.

Bye...

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Totally.

Friends are family

Hello lovely readers! Sorry for not writing in a while. I don't have actually any reason for it, so I hope it won't happen again... I'l write my topics on a napkin if I have to. ;)

First of all, I have to brag a bit and say that Cristiano Ronaldo, himself, re-tweeted me and favorited like 5 to 6 times. I'm not even sure now, but I know this is a big thing for me since I'm a fan. No, I'm not one of those who will talk about this for years now to everyone I see, don't worry... What next? Oh yeah. My topic. I've always known that having great friends means the world. Without friends you have the feeling you haven't accomplished anything in life. At least, most of it doesn't matter as much. This time I'm leaving out the family factor, so don't mind if I say friends are everything. Of course, family is everything too. Anyhow, I had a really really bad day yesterday. I was angry at myself, disappointed, I cried. In public. And I never ever (!) do that. I didn't actually cry, my eyes were just a bit wet. It all happened at college and I realized then that I have wonderful friends. So this is for them. For Three who was there first, who tried to make me feel as comfortable as I could be. For Maggy who didn't ask a whole bunch of questions, who understood without a word. Even better because we were surrounded by other people whom I can't really call my group of friends. Nothing against them, they're just not my first choice when it comes to friends. But most of all I would like to thank Joan who sacrificed her free time to be with me. And that happened after I called out of the blue. That really counts! We spent 5 hours (?) together and in that time I forgot everything. Of course those feelings came back eventually, but in those few hours I was free of it. As we were going home, I meant to tell her "Thanks." but my stupid brain forgot it as I was catching a bus. Anyhow, thank you Joan. Not only for yesterday. For being my friend for 5 years now. I couldn't imagine my life without you. Not to stop there, I have one more friend who wasn't involved yesterday but deserves to be thanked. Thank you Dorchy. For being there in all my "failed love" feelings (who were so stupid I know, but she stood by my side!). Thank you both for making me laugh. For making me happy, especially on the days when I feel like I'm going to fall apart. You have that something that makes my life better. I think all should be this lucky to have friends like I have mine. Thank you. Love you.

P.S. I apologize to my readers if they think this is not for a blog but for a personal letter, but I think great friends deserve to be thanked publicly.

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There isn't picture pretty enough for my friends, but this will do it :)

Change within seconds

Hello :)

Yesterday was a big day for me. Nothing happened. My heart played a game with my mind. And I'm still not sure who won. I watched "The Lucky One" and, since it's a romantic movie, it got to me. I started thinking and over-thinking in the late hours never goes well. One thought led to another and few minutes later I was thinking about ancient past and how it will affect my future. My leading thought was I wasn't good enough. Not for my family, friends, colleagues, society in general. While I was thinking about that, I thought about opening my heart and soul here today. I wanted to write it all down. No matter how it may make me look. Thank God I was kinda alone, my parents were in the other rooms, probably sleeping. I couldn't explain what's wrong since I wasn't sure myself. Now that I actually started writing this, I'm not sure I should write my life just yet. I'm sure you'll have the chance to read my mind one day, but that's not today. I got from "I'm nothing" to "I never lose, I trip and keep going" in such short time that even I'm amazed. Sure I wasn't acting like I don't care few seconds after I started crying. It went on for half an hour maybe, but then something else hit me. I found myself saying that I can do something, that I live my life and it's my thing how I go through it. Today I still kinda have that weird feeling in me, like something's wrong. But this feeling isn't actually bothering me. It's normal that you have that post-traumatic period. And I think of yesterday as that. I had a crisis, I got over it, at least for now, and I moved on for the day. Sometimes I think I would feel much better if I just told someone my problems but there's that feeling that they won't understand. So I keep almost everything to myself. I learned to live with it. As much as it bothers me, and I have this series of bad mood, I think that I'm learning how to deal with it exactly because I handle it myself. After every episode, I try to see the good side, good in the bad, happy in sad... It sounds stupid but it works. For instance, when I feel down I look at my old photos. I have few of them where I find myself good-looking and that boosts my confidence. I also look up (I have pictures on my desk) and I see my friends who bring me plenty of joy every day. That calms me down and I'm good for some time. My mood depends on so many factors so I can't really tell you how long I can stay happy. But I was genuinely happy today for a "friend" of mine. He was great. Congrats J.D. It doesn't mean anything to you, but I'm proud of you.

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Change for the brighter.

Disease around us

Hey.

I've read today that Ebola, deadly disease, very popular these days, was discovered about 40 years ago (if I'm not mistaking). This guy who discovered then said he feels a disaster coming. Oh boy, was he right. I don't know if I mentioned ever before, but I'm terrified of dying. And not only that I'm scared like almost every normal human being is, I literally can't think about it because I can cry about it for 2 hours without stopping. That's me. And, being like that, this Ebola is really worrying me. Especially now when they confirmed first cases of it in the country next to us. And there are some suspicious cases in one of our towns too, but they're not confirmed yet. It really scares me because it's world known that they don't have the cure for it. They actually know how to cure it because 40% of people didn't die of it, but that was pure luck combined with their organisms. So, it's more likely to think that if you, God (or any other force that you believe in) forbid it, get Ebola, you'll die. And now I'm thinking... Why do people still travel with this on our minds? Why visit a critical country? OK, if you wanna help go, but don't come back if you are sick!! I know it sounds rude but there's not any other way of stopping this thing. Until the whole world is safe, they should really close all boarders. I know this would cause huge mess, but better mess than death! People from those countries should stay there. They should get all the help they can get, of course, but shouldn't be a threat to the entire world! It could be that only I'm thinking like this because I'm healthy and I want to stay that way. Maybe it's not fair to all the sick people out there. But, let's be honest, you can't win against this. At least not for now. Disease will die with people. That's the whole philosophy. Yes, I know what I'm saying here, and I'm so sorry that I put it like that. It's awful. And it's the truth. And I'm also sorry for the people that have to go through this. I really hope somebody will find the real cure for it. For me. For all the people out there. Healthy and sick ones. I also hope that if that happens, they won't charge it $99999999999 per pill so only the rich people could stay alive. Wake up people!!!! We need to think really hard about this, this is not a game. Think about yourself, your family, neighbors, friends... Don't travel if it's not safe. Test yourself at the first signs of coughing. It could be nothing. But it's better for everyone that if you, again God forbid, have this disease to find out as soon as possible. With this horrible thoughts on my mind, I leave you to think. I really hope this will all go away by the end of the year and it will all turn out to be a really really bad dream.

Bye.

P.S. I'm once again sorry for the way I may treated sick people here. I didn't mean that they need to die so we could be safe. I'm jut pointing out that we need to be extra careful. I'm just scared.

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no picture needed (you don't want to see the picture of this...)