10 November, 2019

Storytime: I was embarrassed to talk to my brother

Wow. A year and a half passed since I wrote a 'Storytime' post. I have so many in drafts, but I can't seem to actually write them down to capture everything I want to say in a few words... Today you're getting a glimpse of when my low self-esteem and shyness started. Or when I first discovered it.

I don't remember the exact time, but I was somewhere in the first grade, maybe second. So I was up to 8 years old. My brother was then up to 12 years old. He would usually spend his free time or weekend at the school playground with his school friends. And also, these were the times when mobile phones weren't a thing everybody had.
So, I think my mom was worried or she made lunch and wanted my brother at the table or something like that. Whatever it was, she said she's going to go get him. As she had some things to do (probably that lunch), she looked at me and asked if I wanted to go. I remember it was nice warm weather, spring for sure. And I said I would go. For my at home attire, I wore a blue skirt (was it a mini-skirt?) and a dusk pink T-shirt. I still remember my outfit and I remember wearing that skirt a lot, it was my favorite.
So the idea was to get my mom's mobile phone to my brother so he could get in touch with her or I just bring him home. So, being the little diva I was, I, of course, had to get a purse for that phone. I couldn't just carry it in my hand. I still remember a silver bag my grandparents gave me and my mom's phone with the antenna. Younger generations would probably need to Google this. Anyhow, I put on my shoes, which were sparkly sandals and I was on my way.
We have about 5 minutes of walking to my school. I got close to school and saw my brother with his friends. About 6 of them were just hanging out on the bench and around it. And then it hit me. I was too scared to go down there. I stood on the top of that small hill, behind some tree so they wouldn't see me. I stood there for about 10 minutes. Probably 2 minutes, but it felt like hours were passing. Then I just turned around and went back home.
My mom asked me about my brother and I just said he was there and everything was good. I told her I never went to him. She was weirded out, but didn't say anything and just went with it. I guess she was happy enough that my brother was still on the playground with his friends.
To this day I can't tell you what actually happened then. I know I was a bit chubby, but I don't remember it holding me back that much. I also know I wore that outfit, that skirt, a lot at home and to school. I also knew all of my brother's friends... That day I just didn't feel like I could actually go between all those boys. I can still remember all my feelings and how baffled I was.

Do you have some similar memories?

See you next Sunday ♥

No comments:

Post a Comment