Today: 27.1.2019.

Doing: OMG nothing. I literally spent the day in bed and watching TV (handball championship finals to be exact) and I took care of my phone and organized all the photos (according to this post)

Mood: Can a "blank" be an answer to this? Other than being stressed out for my favorites not wining the championship, I honestly had no emotions today...

Favorite person: Since I had very little interactions with people today, I have to say my mom since she watched the games with me.

Thinking about: How I'm getting worse with this blogging, about buying new really expensive glasses, buying some more stuff for my nail "business"... Nothing in particular, but these stuff have lately been on my mind

Missing: Days of college to be honest. I knew this would come, but I finished college and I'm unemployed now and I'm so bored even though I always have something to do. I just need a full time job. Haha.

Loving: All the free time I now have which is a complete contrast to my previous statement, I know...

Hating: The fact that most of YouTubers I follow are starting to being boring to me and I don't want to leave them or look for new ones, but also I don't like most of their content now...

New discovery: The Arrangement TV show. It's definitely not new and it's already finished, but I just yesterday watched the last episode and I kinda need a 3rd season to wrap it all up, but I know I'm not getting it...

Listening to: Gigi D'Agostino - In My Mind 8D audio (I was a huge fan of Gigi back in the early 2000's and I'm so glad I got back to him and I'm loving the new 8D trend)

What are you doing today? Share one new discovery with me!

What I like in romance movies

If you've been reading this blog for a while, or if you know me, you should know that romance movies are my favorite. I can rewatch the same movie 40 times and still feel the same butterflies as I did the first time. So, what's so great about them?

Before I move on, I have to say I also love action movies, war themed movies especially and some other, but romance is always a safe bet for me. Even if they really really suck, I'll kinda like them. No, I won't hate them. There. Also, someone actually commented on this blog before that I live in a fantasy and I need to stop watching TV and romance. Why would I want that? Let me explain...

...I, obviously, am not totally over it...

First, let's address that comment. Unfortunately, I deleted it because I wasn't feeling good after I read it and it was a spur of a moment, but I wrote a post how I'm miserable being single and so on and a girl commented that I have to grow the fu*k up and see the real world, adding that I should never watch a romantic movie again because I clearly can't think straight. It really hit me back then, some time in 2016 I think and I, obviously, am not totally over it because I still think about it and remember it... However, those days are behind me, but my love for romance is still here.

...I like to see what I would like to experience.

It's true, I'm a sucker for romance. I'm, what you would call, an old-fashion romantic. I love that subtle flirting, bringing roses, going slow... And that's exactly what I love about those movies. Hence my love for Nicholas Sparks movies. I love seeing sharing looks, accidentally touching and then sharing a moment and overthinking it, that slow first kiss... I love awkwardness and them being confused because it's more real. Or so I think. Sure, there are some love making scenes thrown in there, but to be honest, I'm usually not so keen to see them. If they're also slow, romantic, filled with love, then yes, but those quick s-e-x scenes kinda kill the moment for me. Of course, I like to see what I would like to experience. I think that's normal and understandable. Weirdly, I also love the crying, fights, jealousy and all that. I guess I'm trying to experience it all? I can't explain this one. Haha.

Source: https://giphy.com/gifs/kiss-couple-loving-Nv092tXozKaEE

Gosh, I have to sound really pathetic now, or weird.

I can literally feel butterflies for some movie couples. It's weird that I never felt it for myself and I didn't actually know what were people talking about, but then I realized I have them when I watch movies. Or TV shows. And it's true it's the weirdest, but the greatest feeling ever. Gosh, I have to sound really pathetic now, or weird. I don't know what's on your mind. That's also why I usually cry when I'm watching romance. I'm watching something I want, but don't have. And let me just tell you, I usually start crying at the first touch, that thought "I love him and he doesn't love me" (which is obviously a complete lie cause he loves her too) or if in a scene he tries to kiss her and she is all nervous about it. Stuff like this usually.

...I still believe that prince charming is real...

To some extent, I still believe that prince charming is real, that I'll have that movie romance and I'm not ready to give up on that. Maybe I'm too old to think this way, but I can't really go against my feelings. The difference between then and now is that I'm more aware of the world and romance so I know that I'll probably have to alter some expectations and it may not all be perfect, but I'm sure I want a guy that can do something romantic every once in a while. I think the picture here represents what I actually like pretty well.

Source: https://livereadbreathe.blogspot.com/2013/09/out-of-line-blog-tour-review-giveaway.html

Also, just in case you're about to leave a comment here, let me just clarify that I'm not currently sad about all this, I'm not depressed and I'm well aware that I can live a good life by myself. However, my ultimate goal for some time in the future is to have a husband and a family so I do think about it here and there.

What's your favorite movie genre and why?

20 plans and wishes for 2019

OK, as you may know, I wasn't going to post this list for few reasons. First being I don't usually stick to any of my New Year resolutions and then I'm just disappointed in myself and I know this from the start. I also just found a last year's list and I think I did 2 out of 20 things. However, lists also make me happy and chances are I'm going to do more if I share my goals so I wouldn't be embarrassed in front of people. Public eye has quite an influence on me.

There's no particular order to this and, even though I thought I wouldn't explain anything, I really need to say something about these. Here we go...

• start driving again

I got my licence 2 years ago now and I drove only once. Car is not my main mean of transportation as I use public transport on daily basis and now I'm just scared to drive again. I hope to take few more lessons and this will hopefully be the year when I start driving again.

• take dancing classes

I always wanted this, but now more than ever because my brother is getting married soon and I really want to learn some moves. And when I say 'dance' I mean real couple dancing, not this modern sh*t because we all know how to jump.

• lose weight/get into shape

Going with the previous one, I want to look good at that wedding, but this has also been on my list for years now. Now that my best friend is actually doing it too, maybe I'll get motivated too and we can get better together. Hopefully.

• get a job

I recently finished college so I think it's normal that I look for a job now. Also, I need to work because I'm losing my mind how bored I am and I also need money. However, I think it's going to be a struggle, but I know I'll find something.

• buy a tripod and start those outfit photos

I have another blog and I also like to post on Instagram so this is something I really want to do this year. Tripods aren't that expensive so I think I might actually do this one. Also, if you think it's kinda shallow, read my posts First, let me take a selfie... or I'm more than my social media..

• prepare for YouTube channel

I tried this one in 2018 and editing was SO hard without programs that you need to pay for and I really can't spend money on this. Unfortunately. I would only post manicures for starters. I don't have a wish to show my face on camera any time soon, but who knows.

• set up a space for doing manicures

I've had the table and storage and all that for years now, but I haven't set it up. I was waiting until I get my certificate and I eventually did get one, but I don't think I'm yet capable of doing a proper manicure so I just did nothing.

• change your hair

I'm not talking about anything major here, I'm talking about maybe changing color a bit or getting some kind of fringes. I think I've done some changes over this year and I change my hairstyles on daily basis now so I hope just to continue that.

• donate blood for the first time

I've been putting this one off for 5 years now. I don't know why actually. I'm just scared of how my body will react and whether I'll faint or not. I'm not scared of needles or blood or anything like that, but I don't know how I will react to some blood being pulled out of me. I just need someone there to make sure I'll be OK the first time.

• get one more piercing

I only have piercings on my ears and I want to keep it that way. However, I want one more, something higher than what I now have. This usually isn't a problem, but I had so much trouble with my last few that I'm now scared how my ears will react.

• get a tattoo

I've wanted this for years (!!) now and I keep putting it off because I can't decide on the design and the place. I know the style I want, I even have like 3 designs on my wishlist but the position is still a problem for me. I'll take any suggestions for small tattoos that can be covered up easily.

• travel more

I mean, isn't this on everybody's list? I'm not even talking about long trips far away. I'm talking local, one or two days trips. I just want some change every now and then and I want to explore, take good photos and just enjoy the nature, castles, city lights...

• finish nail and make-up course

I mentioned it above, but I really want to finish these two. Both are for my personal preferences, but also to improve my blog and maybe YouTube one day. I just want to perfect what I love.

• go out/clubbing more

I'm usually just a walk or coffee type of girl. I still love that, but I also wish to spend my Fridays and Saturdays out, clubbing or something, instead of watching some romance show and crying over my non-existent love life.

• declutter make-up, closet and jewelry

I really have a lot of all of these, I won't deny it. However, I have declutters quite often and I usually just end up with maybe one or two items to go. I read this great post How to declutter your clothing once and for all and I do follow these steps, but I actually wear 99% of clothes and jewelry. Make-up declutter should come soon.

• try a GoFundMe

I know this is kinda weird, but I have this thing I want to buy and it would really help my organization and hobby/passion to come to life. I actually only need $200, but I don't have that either so I will try to collect money. If you're willing to donate something, let me know. ☺

• finish a book and read more

I started a book now last year and life kinda got in the way, I put it down and haven't picked up since and it's now been a month or so. I really want to finish that one. I'm also not a book lover and I'm OK with that, but I have many books on my shelves and I don't want them just to sit there. I'll try to get some of these off my list.

• finally finish a short-stories book I'm writing

I wrote some things on Wattpad before, but I'm actually writing down my dreams and I'm making it into some kind of short-stories book. I know it's nothing too good and I maybe won't have any readers, but it makes me happy so I want to write that down. I like my dreams.

• keep a skincare routine

I have a lot of skincare products I love and I want to keep a good routine that works for me. However, I seem to forget it every now and then and then days go by without me even applying moisturizer. Rinsing off my face in the morning is all I get... So I'm determined to change that soon!

• save more money

This one is also an obvious one for everybody, but I really want to save some money along with enjoying everything it can bring me. So I will still shop, eat out and hopefully travel, but I'll try to be smart about it. As I also don't have incomes now, I need to pay more attention to this.

Give me your top 3 this year's plans!

NYE from hell to the best NYE

Hello everybody! Happy New Year! I hope you all had a wonderful time during holidays and I hope you missed me. Haha. I announced this topic on Twitter and a lot of people were actually interested in how my NYE went because I also wrote that I'm scared and nervous for it.

I'm socially awkward.

Just a quick reminder that I don't have anxiety or depression, but I'll maybe use these words to try to explain what was going on. Also, I'm quite socially awkward and new people freak me out. I'm pretty good with older people, but with my own generation I suck at social gatherings. I tend to keep quiet and I don't initiate anything myself. Of course, I'm really relaxed with my friends and then I have a completely different attitude.

I got there, in between all best friends.

Even though I had multiple invitations which surprised me so freaking much, I chose one event. It was a small gathering organized by my something-in-between-colleague-and-friend. He invited around 10 people, but there were 8 of us in the end. Most people there were in the same relationship with me as he was. We were more than colleagues, but not real friends. Some are closer friends than others, but I don't know. We'll call them all friends, but you get it. There was also one guy who is boyfriend to one of the girls and I've seen him maybe 2 times and I don't think we ever spoke. And then there was a completely new guy whom I've never even heard of. Also have in mind they're all really good, best friends to each other. And couples. And then there was me.

...I'm so so glad he picked me up...

At first I didn't even want to go, I was making up excuses, but my mom eventually told me to go. "If you'll have a bad time, just say you're sick and I'll pick you up." My mom is the best. So I got some food, some drinks, got dressed and waited for a friend to pick me up. Most of them were already there, but I waited for one as he lives near me so I would have a ride. First of all I have to say I'm so so glad he picked me up because we talked about everything and nothing, laughed a lot and I was relaxed by the time we got there. And no, I don't like him romantically; sorry to disappoint you. Now that I think of it, you should know him and his girlfriend as Mr. T. and Miss D. from my posts here.

...it was going to be a horrible night. And we just started...

Anyway, we got there and everybody was already having fun. I thought it would be hard for me just to come and blend in as everybody was looking at us (naturally as we walked in). It is usually the hardest part for me so I always like to be the first at the party. I'm much more comfortable with welcoming people than being welcomed. Tell me in the comments if you have the same problem. I was offered a drink or two, I sat down in the corner as I usually do and I was already feeling weird. I started overthinking, again, as I usually do and I really thought it was going to be a horrible night. And we just started... Some were dancing, some were goofing around, some were talking and I was just observing everything. I was already overwhelmed with the situation.

...I was single while everybody was kissing their significant other.

However, we soon started playing some games, we laughed together and the awkwardness faded. We also ate dinner and I was soon really comfortable with all these people. I'm still not sure what actually happened in my mind, but I hope it'll happen again at some gathering. I just stopped overthinking and I had fun. I think music was a big part of it as I listened to all my favorite artists and songs so I was in a really good mood. The only awkwardness happened when the midnight came and I realized I was single while everybody was kissing their significant other. However, I didn't feel bad about it. Maybe just a bit sad, for a second.

I kinda missed my family, but my mom made it better. As she always does.

I say it's "the best NYE" for every NYE that I didn't feel horrible so this one goes into this category as well. I had my friends beside me, I had great food and drinks, awesome music and overall great atmosphere. What else could I ask for? My mom texted me at exactly 00:00 and it warmed my heart. Oh, yeah, all of this happened before midnight. Haha. After midnight we just continued dancing and mostly playing games which made us all laugh our as*es off... And let me just tell you, party ended at 7 a.m.

My point is: just go for it. I know people with serious anxiety or whatever condition can have bigger problems than I do, but I think trying things even if you're terrified can be a good thing. At least with things like this where you can just walk away and change your mind at any moment. If I went with my initial thought, I would have missed this great night, this great bonding time.

How did you spend your NYE?