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14 January, 2014

Confused heart

Hey :) What's up? Everything OK?
Of course, as many posts before, this one is about confused heart, too. I really think it's the biggest problem in the world. (Besides poverty, homeless people, ...I'm not that shallow. I'm talking about the teenagers without really serious problems... I hope you got it.) So... I said that I would never start anything with a guy that's in a relationship, but it is hard to control my heart. Brain is strong, but not enough. I've been telling you about Mr. M. (form now on, he'll be just Mr.). Well, this is also about him. I don't know what to think. I am 100% sure that he loves his girlfriend and that he's just being friendly. It's just a coincidence that the two of us started talking. It could have been any other girl instead of me. I am aware of that. What I don't get, if I know all this, is why I like him. More that I should. I think. I'm not even sure what I'm feeling. We can talk on chat but not in person. At least, not that clear and friendly. What's that all about? But he is one of the rare guys (maybe the only one) that I can look in the eyes and not look away. That means something, right? I looked at him, he was already looking at me. I looked away, then looked again, he was still looking. And I gave him the biggest, warm, "friendly" smile I could. It felt so good. This was one of those moments in books when it says: "It was the longest few seconds of their lives." And now I don't know what to do... I can't stop communicating with him (like they do in TV shows when things get complicated) cause that would be weird, but I also can't be overly attached. And I'm not good at those "in-between" feelings and relationships. When I love, I love with all my heart. When I hate, better get the hell out of my way. I know you all don't like to comment (I have no idea why) but this time I need your help. Really! What to do? Should I just be his friend? I'm gonna do that the best I can, but how do I convince my heart to listen to my brain. Not that long ago, I was talking to my friend Dee Dee and we somehow got on the topic of people in our classes. I said something about him and she was curious so she asked me something. I can't remember how the conversation was going... I sad: "If he's happy, I'm happy." My friend told me: "That's love." Then, I just laughed and I didn't think about much... But now... Now, I'm thinking about it almost every day. Every time I see his message. Well, I'll have to shush my heart...

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