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21 October, 2018

When there's too much bad sh*t in short time

Note: This post was written a long time ago. I wrote the skeleton of it and couldn't actually get my thoughts together and words to explain everything so I just left it like this. Even now, I don't know where I was going with this, but I'm giving you my raw, unedited thoughts.

Hey. Today's post is going to be about being sick, in hospital and dying so if you can't read about those stuff, stop now. OK, so...
A lot has happened regarding these topics in very short period of time, somewhere around a year. I know a year sounds like a long time, but when you have to deal with the above, whole life isn't enough. You also have to know that I'm overly emotional person when it comes to strong feelings and serious situations like this.
My dad's friend, whom I really liked and considered more as an uncle when I was younger, has passed away just few weeks after finding out he has some, obviously deadly, disease. This really messed me up because I thought about him every time I listened to one band as we were always listening to them when he came over. I somehow always thought he would be here forever and we would still have some of our inside jokes. I still think about him a lot, more than anyone expects or thinks I do.
In January of 2015 I wrote about how my teacher died (you can read about that here) and how it messed me up pretty bad. In the beginning of this year my grandma went to hospital. It was a routine surgery, but we were still very worried. Not long after her hospital visit, my grandpa had a stroke and he was in a pretty bad condition. He, thankfully, got out after few months of therapy. He's still not OK, and we know he'll never be fully recovered, but I'm just happy to have him back. And let me just tell you it's really hard being around him and knowing he's only he half of a man he used to be. He's also really struggling with all of this so it's even harder.
Next, one of my best friends ended up in the hospital. Again, it was a routine surgery and he is fine, but having to call paramedics in the middle of the night would have anybody nervous. Now I found out his mom is in the hospital. She'll be OK, definitely, but it's hard on him so it's hard on me too.
Few weeks ago, one of my best friend's grandma passed away. She was old and sick for quite a long time, but it still took me by surprise for some reason. A whole one life, really close to me, is now gone. Few months ago we found out that my brother's best friend, and my very good friend's mother had cancer and, although she was taking medications and doing everything she was supposed to do by the doctors, she was really bad and passed away. She was only 50 years old. His grandpa, his mother's father, passed away today.
I'm not sure how to end this. I don't even have a point to all of this. I just needed to share it with the world, I guess. I don't know. I wanna end this with somehow positive thinking to cherish every moment, with every person you care about.

Feel free to share any story like this if you want to. Also, if you have any words of comfort or motivation, share those as well...

See you next Sunday ♥

14 October, 2018

The Fall Tag by Hailey

No, Hailey, I won't call it 'autumn' cause we say 'fall' here and 'autumn' is actually harder to pronounce. Haha. If you don't know what I'm talking about, Hailey from the blog The Undateable Girl's Diary made her own tag post The Fall Tag with her own questions.

She knows I love tag posts so I'm, of course, tagged to answer her questions. Also, since I'm doing 'fall favorites' post on my other blog, tag is written here. For once, I won't tag anyone in particular, but if you like this idea, definitely leave links to your posts in the comments and tag the lovely Hailey so we thank her for her effort in making this. There are 10 questions so let's go.

07 October, 2018

Two of my colleagues may be dating

Hi. It's currently 11 p.m. and I'm about to go to sleep, but there's something on my mind. What's a better way to think about it some more, than to write it down?
So, there's this guy... I know what you're thinking, but let me stop you right there. It's not like that. So, there's this guy I met about 7 months ago as we go to the same classes. We sometimes bump into each other while going to or from college and sometimes sit together (in a row with a 100 other people). We talk a bit. I really like him as a person. Just like that. I haven't really thought about friend-zone or future husband here. (Can't I just have a colleague?) I feel the need to really emphasize that I don't have a crush on him cause that's quite important for this story. Anyhow. Few weeks back, I noticed that he and my other colleague kinda have a thing, but it's really subtle and if I was to judge only based on what I saw, people could say that we're in a relationship too cause we all act the same in classes. However, what made me thinking is the fact that this girl doesn't really communicate with anyone and is quite reserved. So seeing them laughing and doing some stuff together indicated there may be a thing between them. Today I witnessed something that just maybe confirmed my thoughts that they're together. If this is true, I'm happy for them. But! (You had to know there was a 'but' coming...) I wonder. We all met under the same conditions, in the same environment. And if I think about it, I had the benefit of hanging out with him more as we do commute together. So, at some point she had to impress him more. Which is totally fine, but I don't understand how. (Sounds stupid, I know.) Obviously he had to make some move towards her and I wonder why that wasn't me. Get it? I'm not jealous now if they are even dating, but I wonder what's wrong with me. Haha. If he made a move towards me, I think I would follow cause I like him. But I haven't really thought about it till now. I know there's probably a simple answer like: "I'm not his type." or "They just clicked." which is also fine, but... You know... This sounds really messed up and a bit confusing, but I can't express it any better. Haha.
Basically, my question is why are guys going around me toward my friends/colleagues? This is not the first time. I know it must be me, cause they can't all be idiots/crazy or whatever you want to call them...


Comment if you understood anything here. I have a feeling I messed it up too much ☺

See you next Sunday ♥

08 July, 2018

Movie review: Heathers

Source: https://www.redbubble.com/shop/ryder+posters

Info:  Heathers is a 1988 American black comedy film. It was written by Daniel Waters and directed by Michael Lehmann. Main stars are Winona Ryder as Veronica, Christian Slater as J.D., and Shannen Doherty as Heather, Lisanne Falk as Heather, Kim Walker as Heather. The movie has also been adapted into a musical. Movie lasts for 1 hour and 43 minutes.

Note: Plot has all spoilers, impression some and recommendation none.

Source: https://www.amazon.com/Heathers-Winona-Ryder/dp/B006MNH070

Plot: Movie follows high-school group consisting of 4 girls; 3 of which are named Heather and one Veronica who is new in the group. Soon enough, Veronica realizes that all Heathers are mean after they forge a jock's handwriting playing a joke on a overweight girl telling her he likes her. After she is publicly humiliated, Veronica starts her journal saying she wants the leader Heather dead. Then we meet the new student, J.D. who pulls out a gun on two guys trying to scare him and bully him. After that, Veronica is pretty fascinated by him. Hers and Heather's 1 relationship is still weak, but Veronica decides to go to a frat party with her. At the party, she refuses to sleep with the college guy and Heather 1 vows to publicly shame her at the school. The next morning, Veronica and J.D. met and went to Heather's 1 house when J.D. offered her a hungover cure, but it was drain cleaner. Heather died and Veronica wrote a note making it a suicide. Heather 2 took over the group. Two jocks spread a rumor about Veronica which gave her a good idea to pull a prank on them. She was meaning to scare them with guns loaded with fake bullets. However, J.D. replaced those with real ones and both of the guys were killed. Again, Veronica and J.D. covered it up by writing a suicide letter making them a couple that couldn't bare not being in the open with their relationship. The overweight girl from the beginning tries to kills herself by throwing herself in front of the car. However, she is just badly injured and ends up in a wheelchair. Heather 3 then calls a radio station complaining about her life what Heather 2 and Veronica hear and the following day Heather 2 tells her story to the whole school. Heather 3 then attempts suicide during the class, but was stopped by Veronica. Veronica then realized what her life is becoming and tells J.D. she's not doing murders anymore. She also fakes her death by fake-hanging herself in her room because she expected J.D. to come and kill her as he did. He also told her, while he thought she was dead, that he was going to blow up the school. The next day Veronica finds him with bombs and shoots him. The bombs are stopped, but J.D. survives and eventually blows himself up in front of the school.

Source: https://giphy.com/gifs/winona-ryder-heathers-BiKIsrBjiGgzm

My impression: Starting with the movie being a black comedy. I just thought it was black. There's a lot of dead people and covering up murders, but no comedy at all. I didn't know anything about the movie so I thought the relationship was a cute part, but then it all took the wrong turn. Them killing people and not realizing how serious it is was more annoying than funny. There's also not a lot of plot there.

Source: http://bloody-disgusting.com/tv/3502208/paramount-entirely-pulled-plug-heathers-tv-series/

Recommendation: I would definitely not recommend this movie! I know it has pretty high grades on all the sites, but I almost died of boredom. I found the plot very weird and not making any sense. I didn't find it funny at all even though it's supposed to be a comedy. The only good thing about this movie are the actors (young Christian Slater) and they did a good job, but the movie is still terrible to me. There's also a musical and some series. Also, they say it's a base for Mean Girls.

Read some of my earlier movie reviews to see if we have some similar taste in movies.

Have you watched it? What do you think of it?

See you next Sunday ♥

01 July, 2018

My body image journey - body shaming (part 1)

I have a feeling I've been writing some really personal posts here lately. I do love it, but I'm also scared that I won't find the right words to describe it all how I want to. This is one of those posts.
Although this is much longer and deeper story for me, I'll give you short introduction because I want to write my current state. So, this is a part one of the weight theme.
I've always been a chubby kid which actually made me very cute. As a kid. Then I started growing up and I was that chubby friend. In the first 4 grades of elementary school, I didn't even think about this as much. I saw I was bigger than the rest of girls, but I couldn't be bothered on daily basis. But then 5th grade came (which is a big deal in my school) and we were all around 11 or 12 years old and I noticed that most of my friends were hitting puberty and their bodies were shaping really nicely. I was also in my puberty then, but my body didn't shape at all. I just grew bigger and I was basically a blob of bones, fat and skin. Now this seems like I was a round bouncing ball which is not true, but I was fatter than anyone else in my class. I've also seen much bigger girls in my school which I still have mixed feelings about. At one hand, I was relieved that there's someone bigger than me and they went through school and life just fine, but on the other, I knew even then, with my 12 years, that my weight is keeping my personality down and I wouldn't make it as those girls did.

To add to my insecurities, my best friends were tiny and skinny and fit. Fast forward 2 years and we're in 7th grade, with our 14 years. My best friend has now changed to the point we didn't hang out anymore. So, she became the center of attention (she was a hot emo at the time; using the word 'hot' very lightly cause we're still 14 at the time) and I just lost my best friend and still remained the same chubby, not to say fat, friend. I remember my other friend came to my home and she saw my training bra drying on the radiator and she sad "OMG it's so big". Cause I was big. Like 4 sizes bigger than her. And I was so embarrassed, I told her my mom stretches clothes after washing (which she does a bit, not to the extremes). And OMG, I'm now going back few years to whatever age when my other best friend at the time said I "could take down" the older guy cause I'm "bigger and fatter anyway". We were playing with my brother's friends and I guess the game was to take someone down; the last team standing was the winner probably. And I got the new older and bigger guy cause I was fat and I could "just run and jump on him". I mean you know this hit me hard when I can still quote them.


Part 2 is coming next week. Do you have any stories to share on the topic?

See you next Sunday ♥