Birthday funk?

Hello. I've had my birthday the other day and ever since I feel a bit down. I wanted to plan something for my friends to celebrate, but I struggle with money and time. Every year, my birthday comes in the time of finals and everybody is usually busy. I was going to celebrate with my friend, but he's not up for it anymore and I can't do it all by myself so that's off. I also had a great idea to spend a day at a pool with my other friends, but I can't afford it. And it makes me so freaking sad. I would usually be totally OK with lunch or dinner cause we've done that before and that's my chance to glam up and be all fancy. But since I had this idea, I can't let it go. I'm still not sure what I'll do with them. Also, the biggest reason why I feel down is the fact that birthdays suck when you're older. On the day of my birthday, I woke up at 7 a.m., the house was already empty. I went to college to write an exam, I came hope around 6 p.m. The house was still empty. My parents came home around 8 p.m. There's a lot happening in our family right now, so my mom hadn't had the time to bake a cake (and I suck at it if you're wondering why I didn't bake it myself). This is the first birthday ever (!!) that I didn't have a cake. They bought me some frozen one, ice-cream cake. And it's tasty, but it's not a real cake. And I sound like a spoiled brat, but it really made me sad. Also, they got me a Swarovski necklace (they know I love Swarovski), but it's so not me. They were buying it in a hurry and I realize that, and I will wear it proudly, but... I don't even know. Once my parents got home, we ate cake and then, 20 minutes later, I went back to studying. There was no birthday for me. And I can't even celebrate it with my friends.

There was one birthday so far that I didn't had the chance to celebrate and I still think about it (too much). And I know I'll think about this one as well cause I'm the person who wants to take my friends somewhere and I want to have a good time with them. I want to celebrate birthdays.

So much for happy...

Expectations for 2017

I did this post a year ago (read my expectations for 2016 here). I read it now and I realize I could just copy - paste the intro. Anyway, here's a list of what I wish in 2017 along with what I actually did from the last list.

• New 2017 will be better than the 2016. It has to be. Not that my year was so bad, but I tend to remember bad stuff more than the good ones, so... - This is just copied from the last year cause... I really want it to be better.
• I want to work out more. Last year I said I want to lose weight. That's also still a wish of mine, but right now I want to be more active and flexible no matter the number on my scale.
• Get a tattoo. I've postponed this one cause I heard that you shouldn't do it in summer so I'll try to do it in the first two months of 2017 when it's still cold outside.
• Start my own nail salon. I don't have a real business in mind, but I'd like to do nail professionally. I already have all the equipment and furniture and all I need to do is set it all up in my basement.
• I really wish to find a good boyfriend this year.
• As for the last year, this one is always a must-have on the list: The most important wish of mine is to become stronger, to build my self esteem. Yes, I hope I'll do that. At least that.

What I actually did from my previous list:

• I finished college.
• I got my driver's licence.
• I did some nails.

Now, this is depressing, right?

What are your New Year resolutions? Do you have any? Do you think this is stupid? Comment below!

Today: 13.01.2017.

Doing: went to college, wrote some blog posts, chatted with my friends, watched some TV shows, did a part of my college paper (gonna do some more now)

Mood: pretty good, I feel really positive today!

Favorite person: my friend Marc who sang to me this stupid kids song :D

Thinking about: how I really feel I'll make more out of this year than the last one (as I always say haha)

Missing: going out more with my friends, field trips I did in elementary and high school - I just left that from my previous post

Loving: that I'm so positive without any particular reason, today I believe everything will be OK

Hating: all this rain (!) and snow which is not really snow in the city is more like dirt and slush

New discovery: VSDC Free Video Editor - I was thinking of making some YouTube videos so I've been searching for free video editors and I can say I'm going to install this one once my laptop gets repaired

Listening to: Brad Paisley - Whiskey Lullaby (I'm actually not a fan of country music, but this is great!!)

X things guys/girls hate on girls/guys!

OK, I was postponing this post for so long, but I've just watched a video about this and I got so annoyed so here I am.

Note: I'm going to talk only about one gender (as I'm a girl and it's easier), but this totally goes the other way around too. Also, I'm gonna talk about fashion, but this goes for hair, make-up and everything else.

You know those lists "10 things guys hate on girls"? Well I just watched one regarding fashion and there were some things I hate too, but that's so not the point here. Under that video, there were so many comments saying "why should I care what guys think", "they can't say anything about my clothes" and so on. Newsflash girl!! Yes, they can comment your style. Just like you can comment theirs. There's nobody who can tell you what to wear or what not to wear. You should be smart enough to know what is appropriate and what isn't and what looks good and what doesn't. But other people can still comment if they like it or not. Because, by saying they don't like it, they don't take away your right to actually wear that. There was another video then called "10 things girls hate on guys" and girls were commenting how something is really weird and looks stupid or awful. And now that should be OK? These weren't the same girls of course (at least I didn't see any familiar name), but people can comment on other people's fashion style. I'm not saying you should totally trash somebody's style, but in these lists everything is so generalized that you're not assaulting anyone in particular, you're just stating what you do and don't like. I really hope you get the message here because this was bugging me for the past few months now (maybe more). I have the need to say that some girls take things too seriously and they go all defensive and get that "girl power" state of mind real quick. Which is not totally wrong, but have in mind this story goes for guys too. However, I haven't seen guys commenting how "they don't care what girls think" or "they don't have a right to say anything about our clothes". They mostly took it as it is - generalized list that should entertain people on YouTube.

So, guys and girls, please chill :)

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What do you think about this topic?

New year - new me stuff

Hi. If you read my previous post where I expressed my anger and disappointment in myself for basically wasting my year, this will be a sequel to it. I'm usually that type of person who thinks that just because it's 1st of January, everything will be different and this will be my best year so far. I'm also the kind of person who probably won't change a thing in my life so don't be weirded out if you read how I messed up my year in the end of 2017. Now that you all know that I'm fully aware of this, we can talk a bit about what I'm planning on doing this year.
Note: There's also a post for my 2016 plans which you can read here.

• start driving

I think I mentioned before that I got my driver's licence somewhere around March (?) last year. Since then, I've been behind the wheel once around April and that was it. In driving school we actually have a month of lectures and then few months of driving so I think I got pretty good at it (I passed, didn't I?), but I haven't drove in quite a while and we have a different car than that I learned on so I really need to adjust. I'm planning on asking my mom or brother to be my right hand for the first few drives.

• get a tattoo

I've been thinking and talking about this one for so freaking long, even I'm bored by this topic. But, to be honest, I think I'm closer to this than ever. I found a great cheap (my tattoos would be small, therefore cheaper) place which I already like (as they do hair, waxing, massages,...) and I'll ask there all about it and hopefully get before June (?).

• get a job

I know I've said this before, but I really don't have the time for a job. I'm at college for 8 every day (this varies but this is like some average calculation). With this being said, there isn't a student job that is this flexible that I could work for example only 3 hours on Monday, 5 hours on Tuesday and so on... I'll see how my schedule will look like next semester, but I really hope I'll do something about this.

• learn new language

I like to think I'm pretty good with languages and I have some which I'd like to learn (German, Spanish, Portuguese and Turkish). I don't care whether this is in a real school or some few months course or even by Duolingo... I would be pretty happy if I learn at least few common phrases.

• start my nail salon

OK, nothing big, but I do love manicures and I have a starter kit for acrylic nails and I actually already bought furniture for this last year, but I never did anything with it, so maybe this will be the year...

What are your plans? Do you have some New Year resolutions or you're not for it?

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New Year blues

OK, I really had no idea what to call this post so I gave it this title, but this really is not about the New Year. I've been feeling like this for the past few months now. Basically I feel like I have no control over my life and like I'm going nowhere. To fill you in: I'm 21, student, in Europe, living with my parents.

OK, I can start now. I've been seeing many of my friends studying abroad, exploring new cities and cultures, working, some are athletes and they have sponsorship (by the freaking Coca-Cola). People are learning few languages, doing sports, playing several instruments. With all that, they manage to keep a great social life and mostly great grades in college. And then there's me. I'm struggling with college alone and I have 4 friends I can hang out with (but they're not the same group so I have two groups of two friends). I can't get a job cause I'm at college from about 8 a.m. till 6 p.m. every day. With that said, I can't really travel or take courses cause we don't have that much money. And OK, this is maybe an excuse cause I'm also shy as hell so God knows would I ever participate in something... I got rejected from my dream job this (now last) year. Everyone is telling me not to feel sad or down, and they think I'm really OK with it as I went on with my life and education like nothing happened, but to be honest, I'm really worried. It bugs me almost every day and I think about it a lot more than I show. Also, time around New Year is always reminding me that I'm single, which I'm usually perfectly OK with, but you know... New Year... Also, I've gained weight which instantly made me more shy and self-conscious.

I just wanna live my life! I want to do so many things and I somehow can't manage it. I know that for the 99% of these issues I have it's my fault, but that's how it is. And I'm just feeling down so I wrote this.

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