My father

Hello :) Intro post about all this is here.

So, my father... This should be a 1000 pages post to really explain what's going on here but I'll try to keep it simple. I was daddy's little girl for about half of my life (10-12 years); until I hit puberty. Now, I'm not saying that I started bi*ching around when I did hit puberty, but I started to see some things I didn't used to before and I started to think with my own head more. And my father apparently did not like it. That's where we started parting out ways. Everything he did annoyed me, everything I said annoyed him. We fought a lot. A lot! I cried for about 4 nights in a week. For sure. It was hard living like that. Knowing that my own father dislikes the real me. That he dislikes the fact that I'm standing up for myself and trying to explain who I am and what I do and don't like. He basically didn't like anything about me. Now I'm thinking it was either because we really were that different or because he didn't want me to grow up. I guess it could be a bit of both. Anyhow, we're far away from it and it's looking better now but I have a feeling that we'll never be as we used to. I can not go back with everything I know now. There are some things he does which I really can not approve and that won't change. And I can't change myself. I won't. I see him as a hypocrite and that's so annoying. I can not live with that and I have to. So I do my best. The good thing is I see him trying. He is trying to reach me, he's trying to find some common ground. And it's hard for me but I have to help him here. I don't want to live with somebody in a constant war. Me having some interests the same as him (e.g. riding a motorcycle) is helping our relationship. I think the major issue was the fact I was scared of him. He had so much power over me just by talking. When he raised his voice I immediately started crying. It was horrible experience. One of the worst feelings I ever had. Good thing is that I'm overcoming my fear. It has been happening over some years now and I'm more and more satisfied with my life and my decisions. I'm not afraid to stand up for myself anymore. More or less. I actually think he's proud of me now. Every now and then, I get this vibe from him and that makes me extremely happy. It is the best feeling after all that we've been through. The time will tell but I really hope we're done with all the sh*t.

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My father. Oh boy...

Movie review: The Martian

Since this is a new movie (released on the 2nd of this month; so 11 days ago) I have to write "spoiler alert". If you don't want to know what's going on, this is your last chance to back out (you can read my impressions below to see whether you wanna see it or not).

So, The Martian movie starts with a space squad having some trouble on Mars and they are preparing to leave their expedition earlier than expected. They are going, going, aand no. One of the guys, astronaut Mark Watney (played by Matt Damon) is hit by some piece of something in the storm and they all think he died. They leave the Mars. After a while, Mark wakes up with very little oxygen left and badly injured. He manages to sew himself, took care of the injury and then he starts to make a plan on how he will survive there by himself. He knows he has 4 more years until another expedition comes to Mars and they will not land where he is, but he needs to find a way to transport himself to the place. Fortunately, he had maps and computers and all the needed equipment that his crew left behind. Thank God he is also a botanist and mechanical engineer so he finds a way to grow potatoes. It sucks that potatoes are kinda the only thing he can eat, but, at least, he's not starving. Anyhow, his methods of surviving are really amazing: growing potatoes from their own sh*t on the planet without water with only some nylon and a bit of fire, sealing the room with only duct-tape, maximizing the endurance of the "car" with unused solar panels,... His inventions are, of course, only in the movie, but that doesn't make them any less interesting. After some time he manages to contact Earth and NASA and his crew decides (against NASA's orders) to go and save him. There are major complications while the rescue and this moment really made me hold my breath. It all ends up good.

My impressions. Movie is really long (144 minutes) but it's so interesting you have a feeling it lasts about 40 minutes. I thought it could be kinda boring because it's basically one man show on a freaking Mars but it keeps your concentration the whole time on the screen. Matt Damon did a great job here. The movie is funny and emotional and with great message not to give up. I would definitely recommend this movie!!

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Bring our boy back!

Today: 11.10.2015.

Doing: shopping! I did it yesterday (clothes), I did it today (furniture)

Mood: great actually

Favorite person: my mum

Thinking about: new job, money maybe, nothing in particular

Missing: new ideas for nail art (you're very welcome to give me some)

Loving: my new nail art pen and my new furniture that's being set in few days

Hating: that it's the end of the Sunday already

New discovery: nail art pen by Essence

Listening to: Rachel Platten - Fight Song for about 2 weeks now non-stop

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My mother

Here's a second post to my Family and friends theme. Intro post here.

So, my mom. She is my sunshine. That should be enough to describe her. She is always there for me. She is always on my side, no matter what. I know that it's not easy for her every time to do that, that's why I appreciate it even more. Of course, we have arguments (fights sounded so harsh) every now and then, but we make peace really soon. Maybe it's because we're so connected and we can't live one without another. She annoys me, I annoy her. And we still love each other. That's how it goes. The truth is, she is my (and the whole family's) rock. We couldn't make it without her. She keeps everything in order. She does everything and she does it the best she can. And we do not give her enough credit. It's like she is supposed to clean, cook, go here and there, do this and that... But she's not. She does that and she says she doesn't mind but I know her. She would rather be cuddled in bed watching TV. We are certainly not saying "Thank you" enough. I'm trying to change myself in that way, but it's hard after all these years (I know how this sounds right now and this probably makes me a terrible child). She is so modest, simple, calm,... She is everything that is good. She is independent, not shy at all, strong, caring, understanding,... I know this is mostly every mom, but from my point of view, this is her. And she is so proud of me. I can feel it. The only thing that scares me is that she has this big expectations for my future and I'm afraid I will not be able to accomplish everything she wants me to be. (To be clear, she wants me to succeed in my college/job, have a family,... Basically everything I want.) I'm always trying to prepare her that my future might not go as we all planned and it's like she won't even accept the possibility. On one hand, I understand she doesn't want to give up the idea of me being great, but on the other, she needs to realize that life doesn't go by plan. The hardest thing to deal with is my mom crying. I don't see her often, I think I only saw her crying like 5 times in my life, but those times are really the hardest. Being a rock all the time can't be easy. She has to break some time. But I can't handle it. I won't accept it. Also, her being sick. How can a mom be sick?!? Not to make this a post too long, I'll wrap it up with only one sentence: Thank you, mom! Love you.

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Gotta love mom!!

My weird self

Hi :)

As you'll go through this, one will say: "Whaat?". The other will say: "Oh, me too". So here are some facts about me that I find strange.

• I shower with mostly really hot water. Some people would get third-degree burns, but not me. I'm not even cold, I just like hot water (only in the shower).
• I'm always thirsty when I get out of the shower. A glass of water is the first thing on my mind.
• I'm also always thirsty after I eat an ice-cream. It doesn't matter which one, I need a drink.
• When it comes to being cold (autumn/winter time), I'm a chameleon. I can go outside with short sleeves. I will be freezing for about 5 minutes and then I'm good to go anywhere without feeling cold. I actually love this.
• I love being wet from rain (mostly if I'm going home). Not that I'll ever admit this (of course, I just wrote it down for the world to see it) but I'm not nervous at all. I smile and eventually start laughing at myself and I enjoy it!
• One more fact about my shower. I drink warm (this time not boiling hot) water. During every shower I drink up to three sips of warm water. I have no idea how this started and why.
• I make a lot of lists. Even for the things I need to do tomorrow and there are only three things. I'm not obsessed with lists and I can live through everything without it, I just like to write. So I write the list.
• I can't walk in the rain like normal people. This really annoys my mom when I get home soaking wet and I have boots and umbrella. I always have my legs and arms fully wet. I can not explain it. (While my friends are almost completely dry.)
• I can't (I can, I don't want to) wear silver and gold together. It happens every now and then, but I always hope nobody notices it. If I have silver jewelry, I have to take a bag that has silver on it, not the one with gold. Same goes for the shoes, jackets...

I'm sure there are more of these, but for now this is all I can remember.

Bye :*

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Yeah...